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Copyright 1998

1. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
   
2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
   
3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
   
4. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
   
5. I must shake the rainwater out of my coat BEFORE entering the house.
   
6. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
   
7. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
   
8. I will not throw up in the car.
   
9. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
   
10. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
    
11. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
    
12. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
    
13. I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up under her skirt.
    
14. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
    
15. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
    
16. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
    
17. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
    
18. I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
    
19. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
    
20. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
    
21. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.