Ed, this time will be so very difficult for me and reading entries from your site will help I think.  I just wish I could hug him one last time and feel the love he returned each and every day unconditionally like I have never felt before.  Peko was an incredible friend.

I'm not sure if you can share my words in your site, but if you can maybe someone can read this and know that there are many others who are hurting and understand their pain. Bill

Dear Ed,

Thank you so much for giving grieving pet owners a place to talk about their best friends. In my family the names of canine family members who have passed on are mentioned and remembered during family gatherings, just as our human members who have passed on are remembered and mentioned. The conversations start with, "Do you remember when (Perky, Ruffles, Brandi, Little Bit, Buddy etc. did...") Well this Thanksgiving as we gathered together once more, a new name was added to the remembrance list; my Molly passed over that "Rainbow Bridge" the day before Thanksgiving. Of all the dogs that my parents, siblings, and children can remember, Molly stood out the most for her bravery, intelligence and loyalty.

She was a tough, independent thinker with a strong play and prey drive. She bonded to the whole pack, including cats, chickens, sons, nieces and nephews. I was the one who trained and cared for her. If I said that someone or something was a pack member, (code word "baby") she would guard that person or animal. I was injured the year that I brought her into our family and she quickly learned to fetch and bring anything, including my four-year old son when he was in danger. She was able to track me down anywhere at six weeks of age and quickly learned to to track my two sons by name. We lived in a heavily forested area on a five-acre clearing and she guarded against all dangerous intruders. She helped me raise my youngest son while I recovered from two leg reconstructions and then helped me recover by being the most patient and protective walking companion. She stopped two burglaries and put herself between my teenage son and a bear.

When we moved to a neighborhood, she adjusted beautifully and enjoyed her retirement years helping me teach paratransit drivers how to work with service animals when I was the Human Resources Director and Corporate trainer for a special needs transportation provider. Molly lived almost twelve years and was in magnificent health until her last summer when she developed inoperable cancer of the stomach.

Every dog that has been a part of our extended family has lived to a ripe old age, the oldest dog was almost eighteen years old. No matter how long they live, it is never, never long enough and the dogs that have left us leave a permanent hole in our hearts. People who do not love and understand dogs do not understand the grief of those of us who do.

In time I will find another best friend, because to live without one is unthinkable. I do believe that I will eventually find my new best friend at Leerburg Kennels.

Ed, Thank you and Cindy for all that you do.

Janet

Dear Ed,

It is a very sad heart that I had to put my best bud down.  Saturday 01/06/07 at 8:47 AM Sam died in my arms.  Dam that Degenerative Myelopathy!!!!!!!!!!!  He had many good years left if it had not been this. Dr. Clemmons neurology professor at University of Florida is working on a cure.  Please look at his web site.  You will find a lot of good advice on the immune-system related deficiency.  NATURAL DIETS are the only way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Thank you Ed. for the most wonderful 11 years anyone could have ever hoped for.  The sadness and emptiness is so hard to bear. He had a great heart and one hell of a drive.

I hope the picture does him justice.  This was taken just after coming home from the hospital in Aug. I love it because it shows his well to live!   p

Thank you again for my wonderful friend Sam

Suzanne

My miniature schnauzer, Sherman, was put to sleep this morning. He suffered from :

Pemphigus vulgaris , the rarest and hardest to treat of autoimmune diseases. While surfing the net I ran across the poem on your site that is called "If It Has To Be".  It brought tears to my eyes but also let me know that it was time. The side effects of all the medications he had to take were even worse than the disease and there is no cure. We fought his disease for over 9 weeks. Up days and down days  were killing us both. When the medicine caused his legs to tremble, I took it as a positive sign. It really meant he had no control over his nerves or muscles. Sherman was my baby for 10 years and slept with me every night. I never thought it was possible to love an animal this much. We had that special bond. Worse than the actual appointment this morning was the 2 days leading up to it. I prayed for a miracle and cried until my eyes were swollen. Sherman had never seen me cry and the look of horror and shock on his face let me know that it hurt him to see me hurt so much. This helped me to decide that today, there would be no tears.

This morning, I put on my Happy Face, fed him a good breakfast and took him for a short walk. I laughed and cooed to him and did the baby talk thing. I held him in my arms and laughed as my heart felt like it would burst. I was determined that he would not see my pain or feel fear or sorrow, no matter how hard it was for me. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. I was surprised at how well it went when we arrived at the vet's office. He actually tried to push the door open with his nose.

When the time came, I cradled him in my arms and promised him that he would never suffer again and I would not leave his side. He seemed to understand. It was quick (about 15 seconds) and he just drifted off to a peaceful sleep and his whole body relaxed. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I felt a deep pain in my heart and at the same time I felt a sense of relief that I kept my promise to him (no more pain).

His final moments were filled with love, laughter and babytalk. I held him tight. My final gift to him was to let him pass thinking how happy I was.

Sorry to ramble, I am crying so hard and my thoughts are confused.

Basically, I wanted to thank you for helping me to make the right decision.

October 2, 2006

I recently lost a great and wonderful friend. My 14 year old Lab Mokie passed away and has left a huge hole in my life. I was lucky to have been able to share 13 1/2 years with her.

She taught me a lot about life. She was always there when I needed a friend (usually slobbering on my face to make me smile). She is the first dog I ever took through OB school... and we only passed because we showed up every day. On the final test of the down stay she stayed approx. 3 seconds before she was off exploring the room. That was Mokie. Everything she did was an adventure and everyday brought something new. She never let a day go by that she didn't get into trouble in some way or another.

Mokie was a Dog Pound Rescue. She was due to die when I found her. She was only 5 1/2 months old... too young to die like that. So she came to live with me and enriched my life for so many years.

She was 14 years old when she passed. Full of life and love. She went out on her terms and did not ask me to make that decision for her. She always did things her way, no matter what I had to say about it!

I know that I will see her again someday. I am sure that she is pilfering garbage cans on the other side of the Bridge...and will most likely meet me with a stinky shoe when I see her again.

So, I say Good Bye to my old friend. It was great knowing her and sharing my life with her.

Thank you Mokie, for all that you have given me. Thank you for all the smiles that I needed (and the hundreds of gallons of slobber!) Thank you for choosing to live with me and teaching me all that you knew. Thank you for being my right hand and keeping the Pup in line... you taught her well too. We will all miss you. See you on the other side Ole Lady. You were the best.

--Kelly

March 16, 2006

Dear Ed,

I can't thank you enough for such a wonderful site!

I just wanted to add my own note on the passing of a family member.

Chelsea was with us for almost 14 yrs. She was a long haired german shepherd we got as a 9 week old puppy. My family thought I was CRAZY to bring a puppy into my home, as I had 1 yr old twin girls and a 3 yr old boy.

My children grew up with her and she was thier built in baby sitter and neighborhood child protector, any child that came into our yard she deemed as someone she had to keep an eye on and protect, even if that meant not allowing thier own parents to come and take them home. There was more then one occasion when a parent would come to get thier kids and chelsea would stand between the child and parent, barking and carrying on, until I went and told her it was alright, that the parents were just there to get thier children, then she would be fine.

Well, at the age of 13 1/2, one month after her constant companion from puppyhood passed away(our cat who wouldnt' leave her side, and would nip her on the nose if Chelsea stopped licking and cleaning her). She totally lost interest in life around her and totally went downhill to the extent that i found out she pretty much had stopped eating. The day I told my ex we HAD to put her to sleep, I had gone over to see her(she lived with him because I couldn't keep her in my apartment), and she couldn't walk more then 6 steps before laying back down.

I had told her years before, that when the time came for her to leave our family, mine would be the last face she would see. As hard as it was, I made good on my promise to her and was holding her at the vets till she took her last breath.

Ed, it's been a little over a year since I had to say good-bye to my baby girl Chelsea, but to this day I miss her as much as I did the day I said good-bye.

Thank you again for such a wonderful site!

Sincerely,

Nancy H.

Dear Ed,

Yesterday I had to have my best friend, Joepa, put to sleep. He is a 13 year old Shar Pei who I rescued when he was about 5. It was a very difficult time in my life, going through a divorce and from the moment we met, we bonded. He rarely left my side and often I would almost trip over him telling him he was gonna kill me some day. I know he felt it was his job to watch over me and that is what he did. I remarried and with my new wife and family he accepted them as his own. So gentle he was with the kids and had a unique sense of friend or foe. This amazed me. He knew when someone came into the house, even if he had never met them if they were a friend of mine or someone I didn’t know.

He was so laid back but ever vigilant as to what was going on. Lying by my chair, moving only when I did. I am a retired police officer from Washington DC. I moved back to PA to be closer to my parents. Exactly one month of being here, my Father passed away and just last year my Mother died. In both incidents Joepa sensed my grief and in his way, stuck even closer too me. He was always there for me, always.
He was getting old, I knew he was not seeing well or hearing well but he still knew those around him. All I would hear from the Vet was how amazed she was of a shar pei living this long and being as good looking as he was. I would just tell her he was well cared for and loved.

For a while I knew he was having problems and often prayed to God for more time with him, just a little more. I was blessed in that I believe these prayers were answered. Last November the Vet found a large tumor in his right lung. She told me that because of his age he probably would not survive the surgery. Since then he lost the use of his rear legs and I got him a bottom’s up lease so I could carry his back end while he walked with his front two. We did this for a while but I could tell he was tiring more and more each day. Eventually our walks were nothing more than getting him into the back yard. He was getting weak and his breathing was difficult. For the past two weeks, I noticed he was losing a little more bladder control so each time I’d take him out, I have to clean the rug we had pasted over. I knew he was struggling with this because this is a guy who would rather burst than have an accident in the house. He never had any and he would not even go in his yard. I had to always walk him. Still he and I dealt with this and next came losing control in his bed. I still would get him up, out we’d go and I would clean the rug, clean him and toss the bedding in the washer. We tried to keep him in an area in the house, closer to the back door but he, being Joepa, he would have nothing of this. He pushed past the chairs I had there blocking him, and started to drag himself into the living room, by my chair where he felt he had to be. My heart was breaking at this and just said he’ll stay by me. Next he lost control of his bowls and trying to get him up and clean him, looking at him and knowing how prideful he was, we both knew it was time. We made one more journey to the vet’s. My wonderful wife drove and I stayed in the back of the van with Joepa. We were with him the entire time and it was hard for me but after all the years of his courageous devotion to me, I would not leave him now. It was very quick and peaceful but the one thing that will stick with me forever is when his head dropped into my hands as I was scratching him under his chin.

I miss him and will always feel him next to me. My wife told me, as did my Father, that they have never seen an animal so devoted to someone. From the moment we met, he picked me.

Thanks for listening to me, I’m just trying to get this out.

Jack

March 27-06

Hi Ed,

My name is Karen Cushman, we live in Maryland with our beloved 16 year old Shiatsu who, as most feel, is our life, our baby, who was there with me before my marriage, my two boys and who is the love of our life and family. His name is Simba...we named him a year before the Lion King came out so no, he's not named after the movie. :) Over the past two years, he's been ill. He no longer can go up or down stairs, he's lost most of his vision and he can't really hear. His back legs go out on him periodically where he falls to the floor. He's in kidney failure and on medication to help with digestion, peeing and pain. He's pretty alert, barks and seems to be in no pain. The last month he's gotten worse. He pees and poops all over the area he is restricted to...pads and all, it's a complete mess by the time we get home. He eats a little and drinks a ton. He sleeps most of the day and we are struggling with what to do. He's fairly alert...when he's awake...but sleeps all day and night. When he is up, he's walking into walls, can't see us or find our voices. It's killing me to see him this way but I can't seem to bring myself to put him down because he seems well enough...if that makes any sense. I've dealt with this illness for two+ years and have seen him pretty much on his death bed, lethargic and not eating for days. He's not like that now, however how can he live this way...is it fair?, I'm so confused, don't want to face putting him down and feel I'm not giving him a chance. It's tearing me up and the vet just says his kidney failure will be his demise...do I spend more money on finding out the same thing, knowing there is nothing they can do...please help. I'm scared, worried about him and would never want him to think we gave up on him. We love him so much.

Thank you.

Karen

March 12, 06

Dear Ed,

My husband and I came across your site in the wee hours of Feb. 21st, 2006. We were looking for a site that would advise us on euthanasia for our little girl who was in great respiratory distress. We knew it was time for her to go, but having to get a vet at 3 am and nearly an hour's drive away was not an option. With the help of my best friend who was a nurse, via telephone, we made the decision to put her to sleep ourselves. Trust me when I tell you, we would never do that again in a million years. After giving her an overdose of Ativan, we held her, watched her, waited, and prayed for God to just let her go to sleep. It was the longest and most painful night either of us has ever had to endure.

Mindy was a small chihuahua/terrier mix whom I rescued from our local pound when she was just 18 months old. Of the 5 small dogs they showed me that day, she was the only one that immediately licked my face when I picked her up, thereby winning a place in my heart right then and there. From then on, she was my constant companion for for the next 12 and a 1/2 years. She saw me through the death of my daughter and my husband, and when I decided to pack up and move from Nova Scotia to Newfoundland over 5 years ago, she made her way into my new husband's heart right away. She went everywhere with us, in the car, on the ferry, and on planes. She was an excellent traveler, never complaining as long as she could be with us. By the time we moved to NL, she had already had 7 teeth removed and had been spayed and had a small mammary gland tumor removed. Through all of this, she remained her bouncy usual self. I always told people she had "small dog syndrome", as she was willing to take on any dog no matter the size. She just liked to try and put them in their place and let them know who was boss.

Last year, she developed a larger lump on her abdomen and we assumed that it was another tumor. We were right. The vet took xrays and determined that it was removable, but also informed us that she also had a heart murmur. She had her operation and was put on medications for her heart. We also noticed just prior to that, that she was also going deaf and her eyes seemed to be getting cloudier. Still, she recovered completely from her operation and the medication gave her back most of the energy she had enjoyed before being diagnosed with her heart ailment.

Around the first of Feb. this year, we started to notice that her eating habits were changing. She would leave her breakfast in her dish and may not eat it even at suppertime. After another visit to her vet, we were told that her kidneys were not functioning properly and that she had lost weight, and that a change in her diet was necessary. Over the next 2 weeks, she did start to eat a little more, and seemed to feel a little better. Then she stopped eating that food as well. On Feb. 20th, I picked up some recipes from the vet for homemade food that we knew she would eat; she loved rice and hamburger. We decided to try the egg one first and save the burger mix for the next day. She ate the egg and loved it. Finally we knew she could sleep with a full belly.

Around 3 am the next morning, my husband woke me. He told me that Mindy had been coughing constantly and trying to catch her breath for over an hour. We tried a heating pad to relax her lungs. It didn't work. She was getting worse. After nearly another hour and with neither of us wanting to say what we knew had to be done, I finally said to him, "We need to do something". He reluctently agreed and we decided to give her 2 sleeping pills. We figured it would either make her rest or put her to sleep. Either way, it would get us through until we could take her to the vet. I lay on the couch with her on my chest on her blanket. Within a few minutes her breathing seemed to settle down and the coughing eased off. Her legs all went to sleep. That was to last about 2 hours until the coughing returned and she tried to stand up. I took her outside thinking she may need to relieve herself and I had to hold her up on her legs. She could do nothing so I brought her back in. She was having a really hard time trying to get enough air in, so it was then that I made the call to my best friend and asked her advice on what we could give her that would be permanent. We decided on Ativan. Not knowing how much would be enough, we chose 7mg., crushed it up on a spoon, tapped it into her throat and syringed in some water to get it down. I wrapped her in her blanket and held her on my lap while we waited, and cried, and prayed. We apologized over and over to her, but promised that if she would just let herself go to sleep that she would no longer be in any pain when she woke up in God's garden. Her strong will to hang on to her very last breath lasted for nearly 2 more hours. She fought right to the end. As her heart stopped while my hand was on her chest, we began to bawl uncontrolably. Had we done the right thing? Having looked into her eyes a few hours before, she seemed to have been pleading with us to do something, and letting us know that it was going to be ok to say good-bye. We were leaving to go away the next day and we would never have let our sitter go through having to put her down. We wanted to be with her. We needed to be with her. We wanted her to know that we loved her enough to let her go. Our 2 beagles and the cat knew something was wrong. They had been awake the entire night. We decided to show her to them after she had passed so that each one would know that she was gone. Each seemed to say goodbye in their own way. After a little while with both of us taking turns holding her and hugging her and crying and trying to say good-bye, I retrieved a box from our spare room and laid her in it on her blanket. I stroked her little body, kissed her, cover her up and closed the lid but my husband insisted that it was too quick, that we needed to leave her lay there for a little while, while we went out to dig her grave. I opened the box again and we decided that she should have her little homemade sweater with her to keep her warm for her journey, so we placed it in with her and left her box open while we were out. It took us a while to get her place ready. Its hard to use a pick and shovel when you can't see them through tears. When we finished and came into the house to get her, we took our turns saying good-bye again. I brushed her so that she would look nice when she got to Rainbow Bridge. We patted her again and again, telling her how much we loved her and how sorry we were for what we had done. This is so hard to write. I have had to stop many times to get this far. When we finally went back outside to lay her to rest, both of our beagles barked and howled constantly while we were gone. I guess that was their way of saying their final good-byes to her. Mindy now lies in our front yard, in a spot my husband picked out just for her. He told me that the sun would always shine on her to keep her warm, and we lay her facing out over the bay so that she could now enjoy the view of the bay she hasn't seen clearly now for nearly 2 years. She has a temporary marker for now, and my husband wants to make her a permanent one come spring.

Even being away for 16 days did nothing to prepare us for coming home to that empty little spot on our couch where our baby always lay. Our hearts are broken and will be for a very long time. Peaceful sleep our little one. We will meet you again at the base of Rainbow Bridge. Until then, you let all those big dogs know who you are, ok?

In long loving memory of our little Mindy 1992- Feb. 21st, 2006

We love you always and forever,

Mummy and Daddy (Janet and Alonzo)

1-25-06

Ed,

I just called the vet to make the appointment to put my "baby" at rest. Shelby chose us almost 15 years ago, just a few weeks after my husband and I were married. He has been the best dog I could of ever imagined having. He is also the first dog I have ever had. We have been through so much together. When he was 3 years old he had to have 5 discs removed from his back as they were pressing on his spinal cord, but that didn't slow him down. The vet told us he probably wouldn't be walking when we picked him a few days later, but Shelby proved him wrong. Three days after surgery he walked (he tried to run but we held him back) by himself out to the car to go home. Then a few years later he was getting heavy and we found out he had thyroid problems. Once we found the right dose of medicine, he was back to his old self. In the last few years he has lost most of his hearing, but he still ran and played like a puppy. Then in late November early December things started to take a turn. About a week and a half ago we found out that his recent weight loss was due to liver cancer. The vet gave him a shot of cortisone to fix the problem temporarily, but today he isn't eating anything not even his treats. He moves so slow and seems to trip over his own paws. I called my husband and said I think it is time. He agreed and said he was waiting for me to let him know when I was ready. It was the hardest phone call I've ever made. All I've been doing is crying and hugging Shelby and telling him how much I love him and always will. I can't imagine coming home from work to an empty house (my husband is a firefigther and is gone for 24 hours every 48 hours). What will I do without my faithful companion, who is going to calm my nerves during a thunderstorm or when I hear a noise outside? I know he is going to a better place, and will be waiting for both me and my husband. Until then my sweet baby, know that daddy and I will love you for always and are so happy that you chose us that March day 15 years ago. Rest in peace.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy
(Karen & Randy)

1-24-06

Ed

About 2 years ago the vet told me that Sam had cancer in his liver and abdomen and didn't expect him to live more than a few weeks- but amazingly Sam did very well for close to 2 years after that.

It's been a long time since I've taken him to the woods, and his walks around town have shortened from miles to just around our short block. All of his speed and agility are long gone. In the past few weeks he has aged more than he had in the last few years, losing control of his bowels, not being able to stand unless I help him up, and in the last few days hardly eating or drinking.

Sad to say, I feel that Sam has given me more than I could repay. He has lived a good long time so maybe I didn't do such a poor job with him- but I so regret the times I lost my temper and yelled at him, or took him for granted. This morning he was unable to stand- he was sliding along the floor trying to get up, and he let out a yelp of frustration before giving up. With a little help he was able to stand and walk. But it is time I fear, and our appointment to have Sam put to sleep is only hours away. No matter how much I try to tell myself that it is best for him, there is that gnawing feeling that I am somehow betraying him. I hope that he does not think so.

I love that dog.

Thank you for your site, and letting me say my piece.

THOMAS

1-11-06

What a beautiful website you have developed. I thank you for sharing it. I found it when I was looking for a site to help me feel I am doing the right thing of putting my cocker spaniel Ceaser to rest. Ceaser and I have been together for 14 years. He is a beautiful loving blonde cocker. He has been deaf and blind for about 3 years and now is having such a hard time moving. Ceaser has taught me what unconditional love is, something that I never understood or had. I don't trust anyone but I trusted my Ceaser. After a relationship that I ended after 7 years because I didn't know how to love or trust someone enough to hang in with anyone, it was just Ceaser and me. I laid in bed one night and Ceaser was by my side, tail wagging, licking my face, and I told him that it would probably be just him and me. That he could not go before me. Well, I have to let him go. It will be this friday the 13th at 4:30/ I will be there till the end holding his little head until he is in heaven. I have told him I am sorry but he will be healthy and happy again. His long blonde ears will flap in the wind as he runs around, I told him he better be there waiting for me when its my turn.

My heart is broken and I can't stand to think of life without him. But he has been so loyal to me I have to give it back to him. Ceaser, mommy loves you and always will. Thank you for being my angel on earth and I pray you close those big brown eyes knowing how much you are and will always be loved. God please make his last moments peaceful.

Thanks Elizabeth

1-5-06

I wanted to say thankyou for your webpage about putting your best friend to sleep. I go today to end a friendship that has lasted for 10 years. Pepper is a dalmation that I got when he was six weeks old. From the instant we met, we were bound to each other. He saw me through tough times and was always faithful to me like no person ever could be. We would run in the park, go to the beach to play in the water, and sometimes just cuddle together and watch TV. He accepted my wife and children as his own and looked after them and proctected them. He was by far the best watch dog in the world. He recently started gaining a lot of weight but wasn't eating so I took him to the vet and was told he had some major issue that was causing him to retain fluids. The vet told me that we could try to find out what was causing this, but it always seemed to end with the same result. This will be extremely difficult, but I know now that it is what is best for him. I will miss him very much and hope that he finds peace in his new home. I wasn't always the best friend to him, but he was to me and I can never repay that. Thankyou for your site as it helped me realize what had to be done and gave me the courage to do it.

Tom Wood

12-10-05

Ginger was my little red-headed pekingese. she was my little peanut, my pumpkin. She was 15 and 1/2 and i've had her since i was 8 yrs old. i don't even remember life without her. she has been there thru everything, smiling away.

i knew my baby was getting old and over the past years i've feared the day that it would come to an end. She was always such a happy dog, always relaxed and gentle. She had a few medical spurts in the past but always bounced back. But i started to realize her mortality when she started losing her hearing and her eye sight but her spirit remained the same. True she started slowing down and sleeping more. the other two dogs we have are younger and she couldn't keep up with them but she always was more of a homely kind of dog. she's rather sit with me or my mom and be part of our conversations than play with the other two rascals. She always knew when you were sad and would look up with the biggest puppy dog eyes you've ever seen. she'd sit next to you and start to lick your hand which i have never been much of a fan of so she'd walk right in front of you and lay down and role over onto her back, paws up in the air, and almost demand a tummy rub. how could you resist? it would always make me laugh even thru streams of tears and i would give in. she was my rock, the one thing that was constant in my life.

This year has been one of the hardest of my life so far...ranging from parting ways with my long term love to totalling my car to death of a friend and many things in between and now at the year's end i had to say goodbye to my best friend.

A day before Thanksgiving my mom called me and was worried about Ginger saying that it seemed like she was having some kind of seizures. She would fall over, wet herself, and make noises almost like a crying infant. Well, that friday we found out that she had congestive heart failure. She was given medicine to help control her attacks. It was hard for her to breath and her heart was working double time. Well over the next two weeks she didn't get any better. i stayed at my mom's as much as i could to be close to her. It got so awful and i know that my mom was just trying to hold on. Then i found this website and really started contemplating my only other option. I didn't want to keep her alive for me.

She wasn't my little peanut anymore. She hadn't eaten in over a week, her back legs started giving out, she couldn't even sit up right, she would automatically lay down. She lost 3 lbs in a wk and her belly was swollen. The doctor said it was taking every bit of energy she had to breath. I would see her sitting at the water bowl staring down like she had to muster up the strength to drink. I knew this wasn't right, we couldn't let her be like this. I told my mom what we had to do. hearing myself say those words out loud was like a slap in the face.

I held her in my arms and we reminisced on 15 yrs of history, i told her i'd miss her and that she was the most perfect thing ever. She didn't have those same puppy dog eyes anymore. she would gaze up at me but it didn't really seem like she was looking at me.

This thurday, December 8 my step dad and i took her in. There was a crazy snow storm and we bundled her up in this red blanket that my mom demanded we not bring back. she said she couldn't go with. i said i would have it no other way but to be right there. As they laid her down after the tranquilizer and shaved a bit of her little arm i crouched down nose to nose with her and kept my eyes fixed on hers. i just kept telling her that i loved her and that it would be ok and petted her little head. it was so hard, her eyes stayed open even after and we couldn't get them to close and her tongue was sticking out a bit. i couldn't catch my breath. she still looked like she was with us and i kept kissing her head. i just didn't want to leave her there but i knew it was over. i had a flashback to the day that we got her and now here it was 15 beautiful yrs later, the end of our journey together. my step dad picked her up and wrapped her in the blanket and i told her i loved her one last time and walked away. It is so hard and i pray that this is what she wanted.

She'll be back with us before christmas in an urn on top of our fireplace for the holidays. im going to miss everything about her even all that use to annoy me like her snoring (cuz of her cute little smushed nose) but i'm so happy that she is not in pain because that really broke my heart.
hearing all the stories of other people going through this has really helped alot. thank you and my heart is with all of you

Corrine

12-05-05

Just yesterday we had to say goodbye to our Doberman Odin. He was a handsome, muscular red, though he's been pretty much a roan Dobie the last few years. He would have been 14 this Wednesday, Dec. 8th. He had been going down in his hips for the last three weeks or so, but he still could get around after being helped up and having help down the back porch stairs. He was even still trying to play as recently as three days ago. Yesterday morning his front legs started to lose their placing ability and he couldn't get up even with help. More significantly, he didn't seem to want to try. That pretty made the decision for us. Always before he seemed to want to fight and keep going. Yesterday he lost that. It was as if the other animals sensed something going on. All of them made it a point to come and sniff him over and lick his face. Even our nearly feral cat, Ninja, made an appearance, which was really strange. I gave him his big basted bone to chew on to his hearts content on the ride to the emergency hospital. Luckily for all of us, he had been there many times when I still worked there, so going to the clinic was not traumatic for him like it is most other dogs. He was licking my face right up to the end. He had a lot longer than most Dobermans, and had a good life. Five years ago, he went down and we thought it was end then. We treated him with steroids and he bounced back like nothin' to it. We still have one of his sons, who will be 13 himself in a few months. (We thought Odin had been kept away from Freya, but surprise!) Freya we lost to bloat several years ago.

Rest in peace Odester. You were the best, old man.

11-22-05

Dear Mr. Frawley

Our precious 14 yr old Black Lab mix, Casey girl ,crossed the Rainbow Bridge on October 14, 2005. It has been 5 weeks without her and our hearts are still aching. The decision to take her to the vet was an agonizing one , but once I realized that I was keeping her here for me, I knew I had to help her be free. She was a part of our lives for many years and she was the most loving and gentle dog you could ever wish for in an animal. It’s meant so much to us that we received sympathy cards from people who loved her and flowers from the vets and their assistants in the loss of our girl. She had problems for a few years with her back legs and had trouble walking. It came to a point where we had to carry her and she gave us a sad look and I knew it was time. I came across your site while searching for some answers on what I should do and I can’t thank you enough for posting the letters from people, such as myself, who are having the same difficulty in their life and had to make the decision to say goodbye to their friend.

I think of her often and miss her terribly. I write this note with tears streaming down my face because I feel like I lost a part of my life. She will always be in our hearts and the memories we share as a family are starting to become happy ones. I told my husband and children that I did not want to get another dog because of the pain I was going through with the loss of Casey. Then, my daughter sent me a website with puppies that were abandoned or abused and needed to find a “forever home”. That’s when Miles, a black lab mix, came into our life and he has been therapy for me since we picked him up 2 weeks ago. He traveled from West Virginia to Pennsylvania to be a part of our home. He will never replace our girl but I know that Casey sent him to me to help with the healing. There are so many animals out there who need homes and if we can rescue one, we have done a good deed.

Thank you for letting me share and I hope that those who are reading this will find comfort in knowing that our precious animals will always be in our hearts and memories and they give us so much joy and love that we can never forget them. Thank you Casey girl, for the good times and the memories you left with us…..we love you and miss you.

Regards
Marita
Pennsylvania

Mr Frawley

I emailed you a few weeks ago about sending a note for your website about our decision to put our Casey girl to sleep. I am attaching it and if you find it appropriate, please post on your site. We have since adopted an adorable 10 month old puppy and named him Miles. He was tied to a fence , his owners moved and left him with no food and water for a month. Someone rescued him and he was in a shelter in West VA for 3 months. We found him thru a lab rescue and he now has a "forever home". He has been good for me but the pain of losing Casey is still here.
thank you for letting me share....it helps with the grief.
regards

Marita

10-10-05

Dear Ed,

I came to your site while my pet was becoming weaker and weaker. He has been by my side for 18 years, and was in perfect health (or so it seemed) until this past month. He began rapidly losing weight although he continued to eat. I am very glad I came to your web site because it truly helped me through the toughest decision I ever had to make. I held Diggers head in my hand while I looked him in the eyes telling him how much I loved him and how much I will miss him, until he took his last breath. That was less than a week ago, every time I turn a corner I expect to see him and I get sad when I remember I will never see his face again. Please allow me to share my letter to Digger with you. Lori

Dear Digger, 10-04-05

I'm so sorry to see you go. I hope you can forgive me. It breaks my heart to see you suffer. I don't want you to be in any pain. You don't deserve any pain or suffering. Please know in your little kitty heart how much I love you. I will miss you very much. You have been a part of my life for 18 years, and, that is longer than anyone I know has stuck around. Your little kitty eyes have seen so much of my life and you were always there, ...along for every crazy ride.

All you ever wanted was to be loved and held. You always got everyone's attention by head butting them, and no one could resist petting you after a head butt. I'm so sorry for the days I was too busy to hold you or when you dug your claws into me and I pushed you away. I hope you know I loved you.

You were truly the "best" most easy going kitty. Never a problem. Christian and I will always remember you. I hope Grandma is waiting for you in Heaven to play "flower" with your tail. I Love you and will never forget you. 18 years is a long time . I hope I was good to you and never neglectful. I know that Cafefe and RatCat will miss you and will be looking for you. You will always be in my heart.

I love you and Thanks for sharing the last 18 years with me.

Love, Your Mom since you opened your eyes,

Lori

10/07/2005

Ed-

Yesterday I too made the decision to let my Shaddie go. Shaddie brought joy, happiness and laughs for 10 years, and to honor her I let her go when she became much to quickly a confused Lab, one who was appauled not being able to control herself and saw the look in her eyes and the behavior towards me, which was not the loving dog she was.

Our vet treated us with kindness and dignity and apparently from Shaddie's past seizures she probably had brain cancer that caused her quick complete change. I had the honor of telling this wonderful friend thank you. Thank you for always letting us hug you, thank you for letting us laugh at your wacky quirks, thank you for being on guard, and thanked her for all the love we shared. I believe in the Rainbow Bridge, and it has helped our sons ages 13 and 17, although we all firmly believe that our Shaddie has stolen every ball and is not willing to share. Even though I know in my heart she wasn't our Shaddie at the end, I still feel like I let her down. After reading all your thoughts, I find I'm not alone. I find this house too quiet, I find I miss sweeping up dog hai,r and I find the squirrels in the backyard are even in shock. Thank you for your web-site I needed to hear that I wasn't alone in my grief.

Kathy

Today is Thursday, September 8, 2005. I woke up this morning at 6AM. Next to me was my baby girl of 14 years Fifi-Love, a 9 pound mixed terrier. She was breathing heavily as fluid was again building in her body from her liver that has been consumed by tumors. Her condition was inoperable and her body was visibly weak. Today was the day that I let my baby girl go….

Five days ago, Saturday, September 3 – due to Fifi’s sudden weight loss and lack of appetite, I rushed her to the vet. I was informed by Fifi’s doctor that she was anemic and that her xrays showed a large mass in her stomach area. In addition, she had fluid building up in her body. Her vet could further understand her condition after an ultrasound was done. Unfortunately, the doctor who would perform the ultrasound would not be available until Tuesday. All he could do was extract the fluid to help Fifi’s breathing. I was fearful for my baby girl as I did not need a doctor to tell me that the xrays did not look good. This was the Labor Day weekend, and I spent the entire weekend miserably upset – saddened and helpless that I could not do or find out anything until Tuesday. I wished I could do more for my baby, but all I could do at that point was to treat her with extra TLC.

Tuesday, September 6 – her veterinarian informed me that the ultrasound finding wasn’t good – her liver was in bad shape. There were two tumors that were consuming her liver and it was inoperable. I don’t have enough strength to go into details at this time as the pain I am feeling is still tremendous. The doctor informed me that her condition would worsen – the fluid would continue to build up and her breathing would again be heavily be affected as a result. I knew in so many words what needed to be done. The veterinarian wouldn’t be back in the clinic until Thursday. That night, he had drained fluid from her body for the second time in three days per my request. Fifi’s condition was noticeably improved after the fluid extraction. I was buying time for her so I can spend time just being with her – being there for her – holding her - hugging her - talking to her – appreciating her – loving her. That night, I held her tight while we lay on my bed. I carefully placed her on my pillows and she lay her head between her two paws and looked at me. I came up to her to kiss her nose – then I started to cry. I carried her and rocked her like a baby in my arms and all she could do was stare at her Mom. She would lick my lips as if to tell me that everything would be okay. Then she licked the tears from my eyes – I was so heartbroken.

Yesterday, I took her to the beach where we sat at one of the benches during the afternoon – just me and her. I’d give her a kiss and she’d give me one in return. She laid her head on my lap as I brushed her black hair back, then we would both stare into the ocean. It was a peaceful moment, yet I was crying inside.

I woke up this morning and laid Fifi on my chest. We laid there together for almost two hours. I felt her breathing weighing heavily on her. I had told the vet office that I’d be coming by first thing in the morning at about 8 – that way it wouldn’t be a crowded office. It was indeed an empty vet clinic – no patients. My brother and my fiance’ were there to be with me and my baby. At about 8:25, my Fifi-Love was given a sedative while she lay in my arms. Within seconds she fell asleep and her body was so light. I started crying – sobbing… the tears just flowed down my face. I never realized that she would feel this light in my arms. I was shocked and distressed. The veterinarian reassured me that she was sedated and sleeping. I gave her to the vet for the second shot which he would administer in the back lab. Before he took my baby girl out of the room, I had to close her mouth – that was disheartening for me to see. I gave her a final kiss as my tears continued to gush down. I was not strong enough to be there for the final injection and I had asked my brother to be with my baby love and to hold her for me until she passed on. I rushed out of the vet office – to the parking lot and looked up to the morning sky. It was hard to see as the tears were flooding my eyes. My fiancé was there to comfort me. I couldn’t breathe – I was an emotional wreck – filled with guilt, sorrow, and emptiness.

It’s been several hours since. The pain of her loss has not subsided. I’ve spent this evening looking at pictures of her – from her puppy-hood days til her adult days. I miss her so much. She was the one that was saddened by my departure every morning as I went off to school or work. She was also the first one that would greet me – running down the stairs to shower me with her kisses when I got home. She was the one that stayed with me every single night – sleeping on my bed keeping each other company. She was and always will be my baby.

This is my first night in 14 years that I’m laying on my bed by myself – in my room alone. I am hoping that as the days go by, the sadness will lessen and fond memories of my little baby will comfort me. I hope and pray that she won’t forget me as I know I will never forget her. I hope and pray that she knows how much she has blessed not only my life, but every member in my family as well. I know that my little baby girl became an angel this morning. To my Fifi-Angel – thank you for everything – I will always love you Fifi!

Victoria

Sept. 1 -05

Ed,
I to have been looking for some kind of reassurance that I am doing the right thing by putting our 14 1/2 year old Jasper to sleep. His appointment is at 12:00 PM today and it is 9:50 Am now. Every story I read on your web site not only made me feel that I was not alone, but doing the right thing for my beloved friend. I also found that every story told a little bit of our lives. All the way from the good times of playing at the park or all the times he was the man of the house protecting us to carrying him up the stairs and picking him up in the middle of the night because he is crying and can't move. It broke my heart when he fell down the stairs and cried louder then I've ever heard him. Reading the E-mails now makes me realize I am doing the right thing. I have been keeping him here for us not realizing the pain he is suffering for us. Thank you for your E-mails. I now feel I have the strength to stand with him by his side as he did for us for so many years.

Vickie
Omaha, Nebraska

Today is August 20th 2005 and yesterday was the most painful and difficult day of my life. I had to put my loving best friend Samantha, "my Princess", Samantha was a 19 yr old Tabby who was "my baby girl". The decision of ending her suffering was unbearable but I knew that I had to do it, I had to do it for my Sam. I promised her that she would go like a queen and that I would rather hurt the way I do today than to make her suffer. Not having children in my life made my Sam my baby, my confident, my best friend.. Sam slept on me everynight for the last 19 yrs, she would take a shower with me and even wash her face when I washed mine, Samantha thought she was human and she was!!!! Walking around today has been hell for me, I hear her voice, I see her at every corner and my heart feels as if someone took a chunk out of it. I came across your web site and reading some of these stories just reinforced that I have done the right think and it was nice to see that I was not alone! Thank you
Sammy, I know that we will meet again, I will have you in my heart for ever and I thank you for the love you gave me and for always being here for me no matter what. You will always be my "baby girl". Rest and know that there was nothing I wouldn't have done for you. Thank you Samantha!! I love you!

Frederrique

8-14-05

Boda, a dobermein/lab mix rescued from a shelter after being taken in from a man using her to train attack dogs, became our closest and dearest friend. When my wife got her, she had marks on her nose from where the previous owner had her restrained and unable to ward off the attack dogs he was training. She had aboslutely NO fight in her whatsoever. When we first got her, just to raise your voice at her would cause her to lay down and urinate all over herself. Over the next few months, gaining her trust was very difficult, but was achieved with such heart warming effects that have lasted 12 years now. Boda helped my wife through her previous abusive relationship and alot of heartaches and tribulations. Our kids, 12 yr old boy and 7 yr old girl, have been around our beloved dog all their lives. Of course it is hard to explain to kids the why's and all the other questions they have. We are leaving in about 30 minutes to take her and the pain is so hard to bear. I can't even see to type. She will always be with us. We love you so much Boda, and you will be in our hearts and thoughts.

The Jackson Family
Indianapolis, IN

8/2/05

Ed,

First I’d like to say how sorry and for your loss and know what you and everyone else here from reading emails will and have gone through. I just had to make this heart-rending tear-jerking decision for my 14 year 10 month old precious girl Keysha. Keysha was a one month old mix Chow/Husky/Sheppard when I picked her up, from the litter she was the runt of the pack. I saw the ad in the paper for a Husky/Shappard mix $25 so I made my way 20 miles across town to pick her up, it wasn’t until a few months later that I noticed chow in the mix, her mom and dad were present but no chow.

During her first year I came close to losing her to anti-freeze poisoning that the neighbor unknowingly left out. She slipped out of the house as I was taking the trash out I had not yet noticed until I started looking around the house for her then it dawned on me that she may have gotten out of the house, I walked around the garage and saw her licking from what looking like a drain bucket so I went to pick her up and saw the horror. This happened on Thanksgiving Day thus there were no vet clinics open in my area. I searched and found a 24hr emergency pet clinic over 30 miles away so off we went I was there in 20 min give or take. I told the vet what happened and they immediately started the removal procedure inducing vomiting the next step was a clear shot of Everclear straight into the blood vain. I took her home that day and monitored her progress with luck she was ok.

I was 31 when she came into my life, it was just me and her I’d been in several relationships that turned sour but Keysha was always there, she spent 8 hours outside each day all by her self as I was away at work and when I got home at the days end she was always there to greet me with tail wagging ready to come in the house.

She grew to be a 50 pound ball of love, years passed as she became older, her hearing was the first to go then cataracts impaired her vision with arthritis starting to show up at around her 13th year. During the beginning of this summer 2005, I worked it out with my Sister and Father to let her out of the house during the noon hours of the day while I was at work as my sister lived in the same neighborhood and my father was but only 5 miles away. This way she could stay indoors in the AC during the hot Texas days.

It came to the point that Keysha had to be helped when she tried to get up and picked up and carried outside for her duties and then back in as her old legs were give out. On 7/28/05 my Birthday it came to me from both my sister and father that she was suffering and I should think about doing the right thing, I came to realize that both of them were right so I made the call to the vet. It was 7/29/05 8:40 AM CST that Keysha departed our world to be in haven. From the ride to the vet clear to the end was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life. As almost everyone here has described it’s as if part of me has been tore away, the house is now empty where it should be filled with her presents. I have arranged to have her ashes and will receive them sometime this week. I have also wished to have her ashes be with me upon my death, not sure what the legalities are here.

Keysha please know that I will always love you.

Thanks for listening

Randy

Aug 1- 2005

I had stumbled upon your website a few months ago when we were deciding to put our dog Nikki down.... Well today was the day and I must say it has been one of the worst days of my life... I am 20 years old and having my first child in December but let me tell you about Nikki, she came to us when she was 3 days old (a stray). My uncle put her in a brown paper bag and surprised us (my 3 sisters and I). We got her some time in early July 1992. She has been struggling with arthritis for years now and recently she has been getting worse and developed a massive tumor, actually 2 of them on both sides of her stomach. Keeping her alive has been a selfish act and I wish we would have done it a while ago because she had to suffer. But I always thought "Why are we trying to play God?" But its been about 8 hours since she went into eternal sleep and I am glad we chose to play god because her time was coming! It has been hard this past week since we made the appointment but I know that everything will be ok because I will see her soon. The pain will never go away but finding your website has made it a little easier on my family and myself. I have had her since I was 7 years old and my younger sisters pretty much all their lives. I hope to see her one day when God reunites us all.

I love that dog and I wouldn't change anything. One of the worst parts of today was that her appointment was at 12 pm and then I had my very first ultrasound at 4:30. So I was very happy and very sad all in the same day!

Thank you for making this site possible for everyone to tell their stories about their loved pets!!!

Thanks always

Hiedi

7-27-05

Ed

Today is July 27, 2005. This a.m. my daughter, Sammy, my husband, Wade & I held our dog while the vet gave him his last shot. His health has been declining for so long this moment was feared for a long time. He had bad hips, arthritic shoulders, fatty cysts, & the last month - problems breathing. He was 13 yrs old & that was 13 yrs of devotion, trust, fun, & love he gave us. From his bone-headed puppy stunts that tried out patience to the end to the gentle nudges he gave us to pet him he was my boy, my family, my child. When people scoff at someone who has loved their family member as we do, I have to remind myself they probably have never felt that kind of love in their lives & I have to pitty them. They have no idea what it is like to have one living soul love you more than anything they can express & want to please you at all the moments of their lives, & they do all of it unconditionally. They can't help the passion they love us with & I guess I can't help mine. We have a house full of pets we love with all our hearts, but this boy was so special. He was with my husband & I since shortly before we were married. He is the closest thing to a brother my daughter ever had. They played & scrapped just like kids. I can't express how broken my heart is right now. I feel like it will never mend. I hope my boy died knowing that we loved him so very much & that we will miss him more than I can ever express. I found your site by accident - I was so glad I did.

Thank you.

July 27,05

Mr. Frawley~

I am so grateful to you for having this site. On Monday, August 1, 2005, my beloved Zephyr will wag his tail for the last time. He is a 14 year old Basenji/Boxer mix that we adopted from the shelter when he was 7. The last 6 months have been difficult; the next 6 will be worst. I am happy to have been his owner; he’s been a great dog – my first since I was a child. He has been having problems standing, walking and needs our assistance when voiding so he does not fall. I have not felt such heartache since my mother died 5 years ago. Bless each and everyone of you who loves an old dog enough to know when to say, “it’s time.”

Mary A.

7-25-05

Ed

We want to say THANK YOU for the wonderful 13 1/2 years we had with a dog we purchased from you in 1992. Rosa Vom Leerburg was born on November 8, 1991
and we picked her up in January, 1992. We called her Tasha. Friday, July
16th, we had to take her to the vet and say our final good-byes. It was
very hard, but the right thing to do. We had 13 1/2 wonderful years with
her, but it was time. Her legs were giving out and she had a lot of
trouble getting up and standing. She slipped on the wet grass when she was a puppy and hurt her hip so it was not unusual that she had arthritis in her
hip when she got old. We felt blessed that we had her so long since that
is a very old age for a large dog.

We cannot begin to tell you how much we enjoyed having her as part of our family. She was absolutely wonderful. Well behaved and very loving. We
took her to training at the German Shepherd Club of Wisconsin and she quickly progressed into the top training category which involved jumping and special tricks. We were only interested in the behavioral training so did not continue.

Tasha had a wonderful life. She had the run of the house and could sleep anywhere where she chose. She particularly liked the couch which was in front of the window so she could open her eyes and look out at any time.
We loved her very much. Our children always teased us that she was our
" favorite". Maybe because she never complained and was just happy to be
around us and loved us unconditionally. She never asked for the car,money or complained about what was for dinner.

I know they say "people food" is not good for a dog, but she certainly did wonderfully on it. I think the difference is that she never ate anything we would not eat. She did not get the 'scraps' no one wanted. If we would not eat it ourselves, she did not get it. She had great manners and knew
not to beg and waited until she was called. Believe it or not, she would
sit and eat from a fork if we didn't put it in her bowl. She loved
chicken and turkey breast and ate a lot of carrots. We always cooked an extra chicken breast for Tasha for dinner if that is what we were eating.

I'm sure you don't remember, but I didn't want a german shephard because I thought they were mean dogs. Tasha was the most wonderful pet we could have had and she quickly became part of our family. You were certainly right
when you said it all depended on how they are raised and trained. You were
ready to send her to Florida to be a guard dog, but decided she had the
personality we needed and asked if we wanted to pick her up. I cannnot
begin to THANK YOU for making that decision. She certainly would not have
had such a luxurious life as a guard dog and we would not have had 13 1/2 fantastic years with her.

We miss her terribly and will always have a special place in our hearts for her. If we decide to get another dog, we will certainly come to Leerburg kennels again.

Sincerely,
Greg & Gail

Dear Mr. Frawley,

Today is Saturday, July 23, 2005. On Monday July 25, 2005 at 1:30 p.m. I will be putting my beloved best friend Sandy to sleep. As she rests on her blanket next to me, I question whether I am doing the right thing. My head tells me yes, my heart screams no. I have had Sandy since she was 6 months old. She is now 17years old. It was always me and Sandy from the beginning. When my first marriage failed she was the one that kept me going. She was always there for me in good times and bad. And now I have to be there for her.
Like your Nickie, she is also having accidents in the house and can only stand for very short periods of time. I made the decision yesterday with my husband after we came home from work and found she had spent the day on the floor and couldn't get up. She had messed where she was and hung her head in shame. It wasn't her fault, it was mine. I should have made this decision sooner. I just couldn't. I was hoping she would just go to sleep and go to heaven on her own. But that hasn't happened and now I sit here with her ripped with guilt for two reasons. One, I let this go on for too long and two, because now I feel like I'm going to kill her. It would be so much easier if she had cancer or some other disease, but she doesn't. Her body is just worn out and her legs can't support her anymore. She still eats and drinks and gobbles her treats. She never complains or seems in distress, except when she walks. Her heart is still strong, but her spirit is fading. I don't know what to do to help her anymore. That is why I search the web for some answers and found your website. You will never know how much it help me to make this decision. I asked myself that question " Am I keeping her alive for myself or for her"? If Sandy had the choice what would Sandy want? I know the answer deep in my heart. She would want to go wait for me at Rainbow Bridge and be whole again.
So on Monday I will be there with her until the end, just like she was always there for me. Thank you for this website and for letting me know I am not alone. God Bless you.

Christine

Dear Mr. Frawley,

Friday, July 15, 2005 was the worst day of my life. We put our faithful friend Zauber, an 11 year old German Shepherd to sleep.

My husband and I had just moved in together when we decided that we would get a dog. My uncle in Germany had bred German Shepherds and there as a young child I was exposed to Schutzhund training. The choice to get a Shepherd was obvious and my