Since I lost Hoots and Bon in November I have locked my heart and sat hard on the grief. I have stated publicly ad nauseam that I'm not putting myself through it again. I find the pain and the guilt unbearable and believe for my own sanity that I cannot let another dog into my life to love.

Today, mothering Sunday, baby girl and I motored to the coast for lunch and a stroll on the beach and there were dogs everywhere. On the drive home we passed Hillside Animal Sanctuary which is a terrific organisation where I sponsor a beautiful Japanese Akita called Monty. His story in both heartbreaking and uplifting and I feel privileged to contribute to his care. Sam pulled into the gateway but they were closed for the afternoon and we left a bit dissapointed, but I admit to being slightly relieved that I didn't get to meet the dozen dogs that are on their rescue list.

This is my issue: I worshipped and adored my dogs, and with each loss another piece of my heart was torn out. I live alone and proactively keep people at arms length and so my dogs were my raison detre, and whilst my house is clean and tidy and I am untethered by responsibility, something is missing

I spent an absurd amount of time worrying about the dogs in the few hours they were left while I was at work, and have stayed locally, working minutes from home so that they were never left for more than four hours at a time. I missed family weddings, suffering the wrath of the bride and groom, and never accepted weekends away or went on holiday because I'd never leave them.

Sam - my baby girl - thinks the best thing I can do is rescue a dog that needs what I can give them, which is a lifetime of dedication, security and unconditional love.
My primary concern is that I can't go through the unspeakable and crippling devastation of signing another consent form for the vet to put my most beloved friend to sleep, regardless of the reason.
I know why it has to be done, I know there are occasions where its necessary and humane, but why do we do it, knowing it's going to devastate us?

I need some rational advice from rational friends.

So sorry for you loss!

It's so very hard to speak for someone else but for me, getting a new puppy asap has always been my life saver.

Yes the loss is always great and being 73 and with one, almost 12 yr old GSD, Trooper, I know I will do it at least one more time.

The past 2-3 yrs is the first time in 60+ yrs that I been down to one dog because I've always had 2, 3, sometimes 4 at a time.

I know I'll cry like a baby when Troopers time comes but I know I wont/cant do with out one.

A new puppy or rescue will bring a new joy to my heart.

No new pup/dog will replace what you've lost but it "WILL" bring the joy of having a dog can do for anyone.

That's the only way "I" can look at it.

I'm feeling with you, Tracy. It is so painful to lose animals, especially when we had such a very close bond with them.

I myself have not lost a dog until now, but many, many cats. I think you must allow yourself to mourn as long as you need to. This only you yourself are able to judge. You'll feel when you're ready for a relationship with another dog.
I can only emphasize what Bob has written. Yes, "a new puppy or rescue will bring a new joy" to your heart.

When I lost my first two cats I replaced them too early with two new ones. I retrospectively think this was somehow a mistake, I compared the new ones with the lost ones too much. I needed some time to accept that they are all individuals, No cat, no dog can be literally replaced. We can only start again and accept that the new relationship has to be built anew, although we are still mourning about our loss.

When I'm reading how you write about your sad experience and your unexpected encounter with a new dog, it gives me the impression that you are ready. If I were you I'd start soon. Actually It seems to me a new relationsship has already begun to develop. Isn't it? This doesn't mean you'll forget your lost Sweathearts. Never ever!

I'm keeping my fingers crossed, wishing you a very happy start.

 Quote: tracey holden

Since I lost Hoots and Bon in November I have locked my heart and sat hard on the grief. I have stated publicly ad nauseam that I'm not putting myself through it again. I find the pain and the guilt unbearable and believe for my own sanity that I cannot let another dog into my life to love.

Today, mothering Sunday, baby girl and I motored to the coast for lunch and a stroll on the beach and there were dogs everywhere. On the drive home we passed Hillside Animal Sanctuary which is a terrific organisation where I sponsor a beautiful Japanese Akita called Monty. His story in both heartbreaking and uplifting and I feel privileged to contribute to his care. Sam pulled into the gateway but they were closed for the afternoon and we left a bit dissapointed, but I admit to being slightly relieved that I didn't get to meet the dozen dogs that are on their rescue list.

This is my issue: I worshipped and adored my dogs, and with each loss another piece of my heart was torn out. I live alone and proactively keep people at arms length and so my dogs were my raison detre, and whilst my house is clean and tidy and I am untethered by responsibility, something is missing

I spent an absurd amount of time worrying about the dogs in the few hours they were left while I was at work, and have stayed locally, working minutes from home so that they were never left for more than four hours at a time. I missed family weddings, suffering the wrath of the bride and groom, and never accepted weekends away or went on holiday because I'd never leave them.

Sam - my baby girl - thinks the best thing I can do is rescue a dog that needs what I can give them, which is a lifetime of dedication, security and unconditional love.
My primary concern is that I can't go through the unspeakable and crippling devastation of signing another consent form for the vet to put my most beloved friend to sleep, regardless of the reason.
I know why it has to be done, I know there are occasions where its necessary and humane, but why do we do it, knowing it's going to devastate us?

I need some rational advice from rational friends.

Oh my dear cyber friend, I'm rushed off my feet at work, but will attempt a BRIEF response:

Yes love breaks one's Heart, no 2 ways about it & no way around it, that is the very nature of LOVE itself (to open one's heart initially is to break it inevitably).

So then WHY do we ever "go there" again ???

IMHO, it's because to live with Unexpressed Love is to live a LOVELESS life, plain & simple -- To me this means that so long as there is even ONE DOG out there who NEEDS LOVE and Deserves a Home, then I will sacrifice my own eventual heartbreak in order to share my Home and my LOVE with at least one dog at a time ... And in exchange I will never have to come home to a cold, dark, empty, lonely house & loveless homelife, but instead can be the RECIPIENT of LOVE from at least one dog at a time (they really give more into the bargain than I do, and I get more out of the bargain than they do, so it's actually selfish on my part, Tracey) !!!

What inspiring posts! All of them!

Candi, what you say resonates with me. When the price of love is grief, I think I still have to say it's worth it.

As Bob Scott has said in the past, they are worth every tear.

Tracey, I think your dilemma resonates with most of us. Everyone so far has responded with kindness, wisdom, and insight. I don't know what I can add, but I know I'll be finding myself in your shoes before long, and I have thought about what I'm going to do. I admit there is a small part of me that believes I just won't be able to handle the idea of going through the loss and pain again, and maybe I'll be dogless for the rest of my life. But the bigger part of me says, from previous experience, my house will be so quiet and empty, I will be so lonely for canine companionship, something that is an undeniable need for me, and I will know that there are still dogs out there that need a loving home.

We go into it knowing what a canine lifespan is, so we know there will be that heartbreak and grief one day, but the only way to avoid it is to not have a dog, to not experience the daily joy, energy, humor -- and sometimes exasperation! -- that they will bring into our lives, hopefully for years before we have to, again, say goodbye to a beloved dog.

We each have to weigh both sides of the equation and decide which option will be easiest for us to live with. It's different for everyone. I think you'll know if and when you're ready. You may not feel 100 percent sure (few decisions in our lives are 100 percent sure; it's normal to have a few worries), but if the scales tip in the direction of finding another dog or two to love, I don't think you'll regret making that choice.

 Quote: Christina Stockinger

I'm feeling with you, Tracy. It is so painful to lose animals, especially when we had such a very close bond with them.

I myself have not lost a dog until now, but many, many cats. I think you must allow yourself to mourn as long as you need to. This only you yourself are able to judge. You'll feel when you're ready for a relationship with another dog.
I can only emphasize what Bob has written. Yes, "a new puppy or rescue will bring a new joy" to your heart.

When I lost my first two cats I replaced them too early with two new ones. I retrospectively think this was somehow a mistake, I compared the new ones with the lost ones too much. I needed some time to accept that they are all individuals, No cat, no dog can be literally replaced. We can only start again and accept that the new relationship has to be built anew, although we are still mourning about our loss.

When I'm reading how you write about your sad experience and your unexpected encounter with a new dog, it gives me the impression that you are ready. If I were you I'd start soon. Actually It seems to me a new relationsship has already begun to develop. Isn't it? This doesn't mean you'll forget your lost Sweathearts. Never ever!

I'm keeping my fingers crossed, wishing you a very happy start.

AMEN to what All have shared here!

At a "certain point" the scales will TIP and the balance will weigh more heavily in Favor of Loving another DOG in NEED than of Protecting yourself from Grief -- You will know when that happens & your decision will make itself, Tracey

Thank you all for your compassion and your wise words of advice. I always know when I come here for council that it will be met with the years of experience and utter kindness. You guys are the only people who totally get what I'm talking about and that for me is gold.

I came across a box of old memory cards containing hundreds of photos and videos going back years with the pack racing around the fields through all the seasons, from playing in the snow to scorching across the stubble fields in the beautiful summer evenings. They were young and bright eyed, energetic and deliriously happy, with what I always thought was big smiles on their faces. I was so pleased to find these happy memories but it also dredged up the mental image of each one of them slipping away from the vets needle.

Bob, Cristina, Candi, Connie and Cheri, having you all to talk to gives me such comfort and reassures me that I'm not being irrational with what other people consider to be a bit peculiar that I'm still grieving the loss of my dogs.

I was having a look at the Norfolk Greyhound Rescue website last night at what are either used up breeding machines or broken down ex racers who just want some peace and quiet and warmth and love, and I'm going to chew it over for a few days. The contempt and indifference people have for the spirit and service these dogs have given for them to line their pockets, only to be discarded like old clothes makes my blood boil.

Thank you again, I truly appreciate you all.

Duplicate.

Edited by tracey holden (04/02/2019 12:22 AM)
Edit reason: Duplicate post

No, dear Traçy, you're not in the least peculiar. This is the way the grieving process goes. Don't listen to people, who think something is wrong with you. I myself also had many times to hear contemptuos remarks because I wasn't able to let go those animals in my mind and heart. You don't need to let them disappear. They have now taken a big jump to another space in you and they will always remain there.

Also it hurts awfully you're going the right way. Allow yourself to remember them from all sides and all the happyness they have given to you. Your showing with this, that you are already able to see very bright lights remembering them. You are facing the facts and you have a wonderful attitude to dogs. Yes, if you will adopt a new one, it will happen again some day. I too am afraid of this, when I think about it. But in my eyes Bob is right: They are worth every tear!

A new dog, if you decide for having one some day, will help you out of that misery of feelings of lonliness and lighten up your days. And when you see the misery life of some dogs, you will also feel a great responsability to fulfill, which always gives a lot of sense to our lifes. Take your time you need for deciding.