Hi all:

My beautiful boy, Edward (Newfoundland) came to us as a rescue in 2000 and will/would be turning 12 in April. About a year ago he was diagnosed with laryngeal paralysis and numerous other hip, spine and knee issues (arthritis, some dysplasia and spurs). At 11 years old the vet was against any type of surgery as she felt he wouldn’t make it through the anesthesia. He’s been on high doses of Deramaxx and he gets morphine when the pain is really bad.

This last week has not been good (urinating on himself, extreme difficulty with almost all movement, falling and lots of sighing- giving up to frustration when his old bones won’t move). My husband and I feel that we are soon going to have to make that life altering decision and it’s proving extremely difficult. The tears are streaming onto my keyboard as I’m typing this.

In the beautiful tribute that Mr. Snyder wrote for his dog Dallas and in another post that Connie responded to, it was indicated that the surviving dogs be allowed to view/sniff the body. We hadn’t thought about this and are looking for more insight on how to deal with this.

We have 3 other boys that truly love this old man. He is a 132 lb presence that is going to be dearly missed by all. I guess my question is how we go about doing this. Should we see if a vet will come to our house (a slim possibility due to the distance we are from town-but I guess money may talk), or should we load up all the boys and take them to the vet office?

I’ve done a lot of work with these boys around guests invited into our home. Should the vet come to our home, are the boys going to associate a stranger with ending the life of their buddy? If we go to the vet, do they go in with us? Do we bring the body out and let them ride home with it? Or just take him and bring him home deceased?

Also, and I don’t mean to sound callus; but, I want more than anything to bury him on an additional piece of land we have –beside our beloved old shepherd. The ground up here is frozen rock solid right now and without the aid of heavy equipment, digging a hole is going to be almost impossible. I don’t know what to think about this.

Sorry to bother you wonderful folks with these intimate details but I know many of you have been through similar situations. There seems to be so many things to consider in what seems to be so little time. I just want to do what right for all my boys. Any insight you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

It is so hard to watch them age, there time with us is much too short.

My parents found a good pet crematory in our area. They picked the dog up from the vet, took her to be cremated and then brought her back to the vet for my parents to pick up.

She was in a lovely wooden box with her name engraved on a plaque they even wrapped it all up in a beautiful piece of purple velvet.

I believe it was about 150 for the whole thing.

My mom plans to bury her at some point in the small pet cemetery they have in the backyard, but at this point the box is more comfort to her.

That sounds wonderful Jennifer and maybe a great option.

My first choice would be for the vet to come to my house.

If that can't happen, then I think simply bringing him back to the dogs at home would be great.

Mainly it is so the dogs know they have passed and aren't just all of a sudden missing. Seeing and smelling the body will let them know this.

Might as well call around for prices on someone coming out with a backhoe, too. Depending on how far it is and how long it will take, it might be comparable to cremation.

Sorry that your dog is having problems.

Also, you might ask the vet about frozen storage for a couple of months, but the cremation sounds perfect.

And no, the other dogs will not associate a quiet painless death with the vet who they already know. If it's at the vet's office, I did not see any connection between death and the vet afterwards for mine. None of them. I honestly believe that while a dog may certainly associate fear, pain, blood smells, etc., with a vet procedure, a peaceful death is not something a dog fears or agonizes over the way we do.

It can also be arranged that the dogs are in the car with someone close to you, and then are allowed to come in a side door or just quietly through the lobby and into the room where the PTS was done so they may see and sniff. They will examine, smell, look, and then just look at you to leave. This has been unfailing with me (not that many occurrences -- actually just two done this way -- but several dogs involved each time).

I will never let my dogs wonder and wait and be confused again, although I certainly knew no better for years.

Let me add that I have learned a few things over the years of adopting adults and seniors. If you go to the vet, take a familiar blanket. You are not going to want him on the cold stainless table. Explain in advance that you are going to want some time with the body afterwards. Ask to be shown a side door out. Arrange for billing and so on to be done beforehand. Remain calm for your dog's sake. Please be soothing and loving and calm, but not anxious or hysterical. Allow him to have peace and a loving connection with you. You will never forget the blessing of giving this gift to your best friend, believe me.

If someone in the family cannot keep from breaking down, that person's gift would be to say goodbye and wait outside.

These are just the things that I have learned slowly over the years. All JMO.

Nothing makes it easy, but so many things can make it peaceful and loving.

It's about the dog, and his lack of anxiety or fear, his feeling of being with his caring owner.

XOXOXOXO

Oh my Connie, the tears are just streaming now. Hopefully I get it all out before the day comes. As you say, in order to remain calm and peaceful for Edward and my other boys.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Your words of wisdom have provided me with a tremendous amount of things to take into consideration; payment arrangements first, back doors, comfortable blanket. This will be so helpful in providing a structured flow to the procedure instead of the distraught anxiety I’m feeling right now. How beautiful to think of it as a gift. I hope I get to experience that feeling.

And thank you too Michael. That simply makes so much sense. I am going to call around to the vets in the morning and see what kind of arrangements they may be willing to make.

When hubby and I were discussing this he candidly said that the ground is frozen and we’re never going to be able to bury him right now without some big equipment. The conversation ended there because that’s beyond my realm of expertise. But this is what I really want to do and why not order in a backhoe. I believe he knows neighbors that have these. I will open up the discussion in the morning and see if he can’t make those arrangements.

Depending on what the vet is willing to do, we are about 45 minutes from town and our additional property is another 10 minutes down the road so it will mean travel. Would the boys possibly be okay to travel with their deceased friend or should we take him up there first?

I’m sorry, these questions seem so strange as I’m typing them but I’m really at a loss of how to go about this properly. Our last boy that passed away in 1999 was our only dog at the time and we didn’t have these considerations.

Thank you so much for openness to this discussion guys and the help you are providing me and my family.

Just thought I’d post an update. Hubby is out on a mountain walk with our healthy boys and I’m home spending some quality time with my best friend. He’s peaceful and content and enjoying the prime spot cushion beside my computer.

I showed hubby your posts this morning and when he saw the “backhoe” mentioned, he left the room and picked up the phone. We have a gentleman meeting him at our property on Wednesday morning on his way to another job. When Bob started to discuss payment, the neighbor asked which dog it was. He explained that it was the black and white one and the guy said, no problem; I can do that for a “Border Collie”, especially one that big. Bob didn’t correct him. He mentioned something about a bon fire and some Budweiser.

I wasn’t able to bring myself to call the vet this morning – choking up at the thought of it. Bob feels it may be best to take him in and bring him home. We can leave him in truck, he’ll drive him to the property and I’ll follow with the boys in our other vehicle. They would then have a chance to view/sniff the body before we put him in the ground and we can take them for a nice long walk afterwards. I hope this sounds appropriate.

We’re going to give it another week anyway and see how he fares. His spot will be prepared and I’m feeling much more at ease with the way the process should go.

Again, thank you all for your responses. This information has been invaluable.

Just a thought if your having trouble finding a vet equine vets by nature travel and may be more willing to come to your home.

It sounds perfect. It sounds just perfect.

As I said, nothing makes it easy, but we can take away the dog's potential stress over it and make it the blessing of a gift that it is.

Your way sounds perfect. Even sounds like sort of a wake.

The last dog I lost, the Buddhist zendo around the corner had a metta (lovingkindness) meditation during which everyone quietly in turn during meditation said aloud the name(s) of their lost animal(s) and everyone focused on metta for that animal.

There are many ways to remind ourselves that death is not the most important thing about the blessing of a dog in our lives, not the event to focus on. The focus should and can be on that miraculous relationship: actual love between different species! How lucky are we all?!

Great! I'm glad you'll be able to have this arranged the way you want it to be.

I don't see a problem with your plan, but I even think it would be OK to bring the body home, let the dogs have some time, and then you and your husband can take him for burial and have that time for yourselves.

I don't think they have to see him go in the ground. Seeing him, smelling him, and nudging him will let them know.

If you can step back and let them have their time to deal with the death their way, I think you will be so surprised at how they "see" death.

Watching my current dog go through the motions with our last dog that died really helped me to cope.