I have two GSDs...Cassie, who is almost 2, and Djenga, who is about 13 weeks old. My husband loves them, at least when they behave, but when he thinks they misbehave things can get ugly.

Cassie is a very submissive bitch. She needs A LOT of positive reinforcement or she'll just shut down. I've always tried to be very positive with her, since I got her, and she's turned out to be a really nice dog. If I even sigh when I am working with her she'll pick up on it and get upset, so I usually just stop and play with her for a bit and it makes me forget about being frustrated, and her forget that I was. But my husband seems to enjoy intimidating her, I guess because she's so easy to intimidate.

For example...when Cassie has to go out, and we grab the leash, she'll stand by the door and get excited. If she really has to go out, she'll jump and do a 360. He yells at her for this and threatens her with his hand sometimes, till she drops to the ground, and then he'll go to take her out and she'll start bouncing again. Once the door is open she's calm and walks nicely on the leash, it's just she's so excited to go out...I see no need to correct this. Or if he's playing with her and she scratches him or something like that, he'll stand in front of her and stare her down, intimidating her, till she rolls over on her back on the floor and occasionally urinates.

I have told him repeatedly not to do this and he still continues. This is NOT good for Cassie, since before I moved in with him about 6 months ago, she'd never submissively urintated before.

Before I got the new pup, I told him NOT to do this to her under any circumstances, or even correct her at all at this point, just to be safe. He promised he won't, but I just don't see that happening. He seems to enjoy the power he has over the dogs. It's almost funny because if we take a walk with the dogs, and I call Cassie, before she even has a chance to turn around he yells out for her to come here NOW...I mean, I think I can handle my dog, thank you very much!!! He does this with any command I give when he's around, it gets old really fast...

But anyway, Djenga is a more dominant bitch than Cassie is, I can see that already. She is still very young obviously, but when she gets older she might not take too kindly to this kind of treatment. I'm just afraid that he'll either ruin this pup, who is showing herself to be a great little dog, or he'll get hurt. And the way I see it happening, if he does this and she goes after him, I see him making me decide between him and the dog, since he seems to think I take the dogs side all the time (which I do when he is treating them badly or threatening them). I'd never want to choose, and I know I'd resent him forever if he made me choose. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I've sort of been avoiding the issue by having the puppy crated when he comes home from work. I let her out most of the day, and then she's in the crate after six, till the morning (with a few potty breaks, of course). This also works because I try not to have her out with the other dogs too much yet so she doesn't get too doggy, so she's out during the day and they're in the spare room till evening. It's not just because of him that I put her away, don't want to make it sound like that, but she also "annoys" him with her puppy antics (chewing on things left out and getting into trouble). This has worked well but I know avoiding this isn't the answer.

I've tried to explain to him not to challenge the dogs directly by this, there are absolutely no benefits to treating the dogs like dirt.

I remember in July maybe, we went for a long walk and he was running around with Cassie, and had a tennis ball, and was holding it up in the air for her to grab. She jumped up to get it and her tooth caught his chest. He kicked her HARD in the neck when she did, and for most of the rest of the walk home, any time she got close he'd try to kick her, and yell at her, and chase her off. He hasn't done anything like this since then, don't worry, I explained to him how she didn't even know she did anything wrong, and even if she'd done it on purpose, she'd have forgotten in a minute later. He was skeptical but has pretty much refrained from anything physical since.

He doesn't listen to me, but maybe he'll listen if enough people on here speak up. If you have any opions on this, or can tell any stories about people that got hurt or any dogs that were ruined, or anything helpful, please speak up. Please, nothing about how he shouldn't be allowed near the dogs because that just isn't going to happen.

Sorry if this got long, but it's very important, I feel really strongly that he needs to stop it...sometimes I just want to put my e-collar on him and zap away!!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> He isn't like this all the time, I don't want to make him out to be totally awful, but I need to talk some sense into him...maybe this will help.

First, your significant other does not appear to like dogs. If he continues, the dogs will be useless,paranoid, bags of bones, only a skeleton of themselves. Both dogs will grow to dislike this person and will cower in his presence. They will look for you for protection from him. It appears you are not able or willing to offer this protection therefore you will end up with two unhappy, paranoid dogs. Good Luck, you will need much more.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Meghan, What you have shared with us is very touching and personal. As a board of dog lovers, I'm not sure that any response we give would be beneficial to share with him, and not have him resent it, and the dogs, more. The obvious effect on your older dog will sadden and anger most here. As for the younger puppy, it could be even more tragic. I doubt we can stop him from here, but you need to. Irrational anger and violence toward your beloved pets, who look to you as pack leader and protector? How does he feel about kids?
I feel sorry for you, Cassie and Djenga <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> .

Hi! You know, as a human being I feel one way about the behavior you describe and, as a lawyer, I feel another way about it. I have counseled many women whose husbands were jealous and in the end abusive. A part of me wonders if the man in your life is jealous of your relationship with your pets and treats them poorly in order that he feels able to dominate you when they are around. It is sometimes difficult to break away from a situation when you love someone very much. It can take years to reach a realization that you are in an unhealthy situation.

It seems to be that you are already recognizing you are resentful, fearful for your dogs, and unhappy. What will things be like for you in a year, 2 years, 5 years? What will things be like for your dogs? Its not like we can't understand losing one's temper over doggy behavior, but to hurt the dog is another matter. You have to ask the serious question which really is, "If he treats the dogs this way when you are around, what would he do when you are not present?" It is a sobering question that only you can answer. You have to think about yourself and your animals.

I hope you realize that by mentioning your problems to others and asking for their opinions to be relayed to your significant other in the hopes of changing his behaviors, may well make him REALLY angry, so that you and the dogs will only suffer more. Please seek counseling for yourself so that you can truly find the peace in your heart to make some tough decisions in your life. If you can't part with this man and he is unwilling to change, then you should find the dogs a wonderful home where they won't be physically and emotionally tortured. If you can't part with the dogs and he refuses to change, you also have an answer to the problem.

I agree with the message before mine that says no one can help you with this problem, except to listen and understand your sorrow. Only you can resolve the issue and decide what you are willing to live with (or without).

I truly wish you the very best and will pray that you have the strength to address some very difficult issues long before your dogs or your significant other get seriously hurt.

I echo Linda's sentiments, and I think you need to ask yourself if this is the kind of parenting you would like to have for your children (if you plan on having any). I really think that how a person treats animals is a pretty good predictor of what kind of parent they will make. I would be very concerned for the safety of any children in this man's care. Even if you don't plan to have kids, is this a healthy situation for YOU? It doesn't sound like it to me.

As everyone else has mentioned, his treatment of the dogs is indicative of his overall personility. I think that you are already drawing some conclusions for yourself, and perhaps you should act on them.

After 30 years of law enforcement - if this person does not have the patience and temperment for an animal, what will he be like with a child or even yourself, when things don't go right.

Raising dogs and children have a lot in common - patience, love, repetition and understanding. Would he kick a child if they were playing and got scratched???

Dogs are not born with manners, children are not born with manners - many adults don't have any manners. Manners are like a trained response - if you are taught that way - you will live life as such.

Your decision.

Mark Addison

Hi, Meghan,

Here are my 2 cents.

If you feel your husband's treatment of your dogs stems from some kind of resentment of you or jealousy, or any other lousy emotion, and if oyu really care about your dogs (which I am certain you do), I would suggest to him he grew up or got lost! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
Dogs give us their whole, all the time, and deserve nothing less from us.

On the other hand, if you think his behavior is the result of ignorance about dogs, then I think you can make it work by involving a third party. For example if you have not already, join a club, SchH or other, and take him with you. Ideally, make him work one of your dogs in obedience, or tracking. I bet he'll from a bond pretty quickly. I think it will be easier for him to accept the truth about how to treat dogs if it comes from other people, especially if those people have credible experience in the field.

Wishing you the best of luck. Keep me posted!

Sorry to hear about the problems with your husband. Explain to your husband that his past behavior towards your dogs was in fact abusive, and try a little education on how to properly handle a dog. Maybe start with Ed's videos - your puppy 8wks. to 8mo. and basic dog obedience
Set aside one evening for "cuddle" time with just you and him (dogs put away for the night), and watch a video. Then spend some "alone" time in the bedroom for a reward afterwards <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
If none of this works, then i'd say it's time for some "tough love", and professional counseling is needed.