I had to have my best friend Manny put to sleep last feb due to kidney failure that was untreatable and it broke my heart in ways i didnt know possible. She was with me for 8 yrs and had the heart of a lion but unfortunately a body that had a lot of health problems. She was so much like me in every way. She had battled many health problems over the yrs (20k worth), but she was such a fighter and had such a desire to live so she could be with me that I promised her that I would stay in the fight with her and not give up on her no matter the cost as long as the doctors said she could recover. I was her everything and she would have gladly given her life for me. Like me, she wasnt a people person, but her vets and the few that knew her well loved her unconditionally. She had the perfect drive and personallity to make the perfect K-9 partner for me, but her body wouldnt let her. She was 85 lbs of toughness, and I had to watch her to make sure she didnt play even when she was hurt. She was determined to be by my side at all times and would fight hard to get well so we could be together again, but after all while I knew that she wasnt going to get better and would not leave the hospital alive no matter how big her heart and her high drive. I know I made the right decision to put her out of her misery, but I so wanted more time. One more week, one more day with her, but I know it wasnt fair to her so I did the right thing.

After a month of mourning, I started looking for another shep to take her place and hopefully be my new partner. I found a nice 13 month male that is a good dog, but he's not manny. He's friendly to everybody, but he's not a one man dog like she was. He looks like and has the breeding to make a good police K-9, but he didnt have the heart and toughness to make it through K-9 training. He's obedient and well behaved, but he doesnt love me like Manny did and I don't have the heart for him that I had for Manny. I guess he's still a part of our family now in spite of his shortcomings, but I can't help but wonder if there is another Manny out there somewhere thats dying to come home with me as more than just a pet or a partner.
I miss so much that oneness I had with Manny and her utter devotion to me like mine was to her. I wish there was someway to transport Manny's heart and soul into Kilo's body. I miss her everyday.
I know I'm just rambling now so Ill close


Ken

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I had to have my best friend Manny put to sleep last feb due to kidney failure that was untreatable and it broke my heart in ways i didnt know possible...... I miss her everyday......

I lost my best dog ever 11/11/04, and I know how you feel. I can promise you that it gets better and that you can learn to click off the brain's "She's gone" and click on the joy her life gave you both.

Now I have dogs who seem much more "doggy" to me -- and as much as I love them, they will never be what she was to me.

But I don't believe that there is only one of those wonderful partner-dogs for each of us, and I do believe in loving and enjoying all the ones in between those extra-great (meaning only that they fit so well with our own personalities) dogs. Think of how much better it is to experience that and lose it than never to know it at all (to paraphrase a much better quotation).

Think what a gift you were able to give her, too: The painless end with the friend by the side.

I think that everyone gets one dog in their lives that doesn't really go away after their passing. Other dogs don't really measure up. I found solice in the fact that at least I had everything that I wanted in that dog.

You have such a way with words, Connie!

Ken, I truly feel for you. My little hairy soulmate is pushing 9 now and, although she is still very active, health issues are more at the forefront of my mind now than they have been before. I had a BIG scare earlier in the year when, for some utterly mysterious reason, her liver enzyme counts were thru the roof. There were no symptoms at all and the bloodwork is now back to normal but of course I began to think about the unthinkable. I came to the conclusion that I could not go looking for a dog "just like" Barra because I would never find one.

My parents have a 13 year old Sheltie that they rescued at age 9 from an abusive home. They had lost their previous Sheltie to liver disease when Kenzie was only 5 years old and it nearly broke my mother's heart because they were inseparable. The rescue, Mandy, is nothing at all like Kenzie and it took some time for my parents to really warm up to her. But they stuck with it and she is now as much a part of their home as Kenzie was- for different reasons.

We should love our dogs for their differences. Take a step back and try to find something fun in Kilo that is totally unlike Manny but something that you find really endearing. Hopefully with a bit of time he will come to occupy a place in your heart as well. Not the same place as Manny, but one entirely his own.