I've hesitated to post this, coming and going from this part of the forum every time I'm online. If this is in the wrong place, and it needs to be deleted, I apologize.

When I was 11, I had a basenji. He was my first purebred, and the first dog I could compete with. Together we did conformation, we did lure coursing, and we were hoping to do obedience. When he was about 2 years old, my parents broke the news to me that I had to find him a new owner, because he was still making "mistakes" in the house and we had just gotten new carpets. I never forgave them, and I never forgave myself for not doing a good enough job housebreaking him, even though I was only 11.

I'm now 19, and I was just beginning to forgive myself. Just this weekend I decided to go a Rhodesian Ridgeback specialty to meet with a few breeders, when I spotted my basenji. He's 8 years old now, but he's still the same dog I remembered. I cried and cried and cried, for so long that I didn't meet with any ridgeback breeders because I was sobbing all day. His new owner let me see him, I held him for a little while, and then it came time to leave.

Although I can't tell you how happy I was to see him again, at the same time, I had just finished grieving for him, and now he's gone all over again. This women lives very far away, seeing him again isn't really an option.

I don't mean to invade the space of those grieving for pets who will never return, but I've been thinking about this every moment since I left the show, and I'm even dreaming about it. Does anyone have any recommendations for the grieving process?

listen to connie, heather--she's wise.

Thank you, so much, for your replies.

You're right, I did learn a lot from that experience. I guess I never thought of it that way.

I'm also glad to have met his new owner, who evidently takes good care of him, as you pointed out.

I think I just needed someone to point those things out to me, because I already feel a little better. I think this experience will be with me forever, but instead of letting it haunt me, I can let it help me.

Heather
You were given a great gift. You were able to see the pet you lost 6 years ago, happy, healthy, and in a great home.

The gift did come with a price, reliving the pain of losing your pet all over again.

I hope that as the days pass and the pain subsides you will find comfort in knowing that your very special boy has been safe and happy all these years.

"I think this experience will be with me forever, but instead of letting it haunt me, I can let it help me."

Heather, this truth is not an easy one to come to. Don't let yourself dwell on all the negative in the situation. Try and forgive the hurt and always keep the lessons learned close to your heart. I'm sorry you had to learn this lesson this way and carry the anger for as long as you did, but now look at how you are maturing because of it. Good luck!! <img src="http://www.leerburg.com/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Heather,

The grieving process is the same whether we lose our friends to death or to a new home. It takes a while to get through and believe me, it really, really sucks.

When I was younger (about 10) my mom brought home a "foster dog" because the shelter was too full. I LOVED this little furry bundle and went everywhere with her. Then she was adopted. I cried my eyes out for days. I never forgave my mom for giving up "my" dog.

What I learned from this experience I carry with me today. While I missed this little puppy, she had a GREAT home. SHE was happy. That, in the end, is what was important to me. I was grieving MY loss, not HERS.

It is possible to keep in touch with his new person through e-mail or letters. You can get updated pictures of him, and when they come through your area again maybe you can see him again.

It may be painful to think that he can't live with you, but he has a wonderful home. You have learned from him, and you can take that knowledge to train your new dog. You will never forget him (just as we never forget the ones that pass away), but you take away wisdom and maturity from a very hard lesson at a young age.

Take care and best wishes.

Oh Heather, grief is still grief, whether the one whose loss you're mourning has passed away or just gone away -- One thing you've learned for sure is that you will never be as heartless in a similar situation to anyone as your parents were to you concerning your beloved pet <:-(

Here's a movie that you must rent, beg, borrow, or steel (unless you already OWN it yourself!) "Good-Bye, My Lady" which is about the love of a boy for his Basenji, and the loss he suffers when they are inevitably parted -- It's from the book "Weep No More, My Lady" which is a must-have for anyone who ever loved a dog...

Thanks everyone.

I'll have to rent Goodbye My Lady and cry my eyes out for a while. <img src="http://www.leerburg.com/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yes "Good-Bye, My Lady" is a VERY emotionally cathartic film, SO well written & wonderfully acted by Brandon de Wilde & Walter Brennan -- It's a coming-of-age story that's appreciated every bit as much by adults as it is by youngsters, especially dog-lovers & particularly those who've been loved by a Basenji <:-)

While you're at it, I would definitely rent "Old Yeller" too -- This film has certainly stood the test of time as well !