What I almost said...


So I'm sitting in the office enjoying yet another fantastic drill weekend in medical duty-restriction limbo, when suddenly, the clouds part, angels sing, manna falls from Heaven and I am offered a doughnut.

Yes, the pastry of G-ds and Kings, the delectable, delicious savory treat that is a doughnut.

There was an entire box of them left over from some miscellaneous admin-y, Officer-y type thing that took place in the conferance room adjacent my desk.
Pickin's were a might slim, since all the Brass-types had pre-perused the box, but I spotted a lone Maple Bar.

Of course, I politely accept the invitation ("Does an MP want a doughnut? Seriously? It's a prerequisite to hold this MOS: Most be able to obtain Secret Security Clearance, Must be able to fire 9mm pistol with some semblance of accuracy, Must suffer from doughnut addiction").

Happily I begin consuming my favorite of all baked goods.

Aloud, but to no one in particular, I say, "Hey, this is really good."

Thankfully, the little gerbil in my head that halts the wheel turning before I say stupid things is actually on duty today.

Valiantly he sprang into action, slamming my mouth shut and smacking my frontal lobe soundly with a little gerbil foot, and prevented me from saying:

"Gee, isn't it strange how much Maple Bars taste like syrup?"


Another save by the safety gerbil.

<<<<Of course, I politely accept the invitation ("Does an MP want a doughnut? Seriously? It's a prerequisite to hold this MOS: Most be able to obtain Secret Security Clearance, Must be able to fire 9mm pistol with some semblance of accuracy, Must suffer from doughnut addiction").>>>

Those requirements are also necessary to become a Trooper as well. Although, you must also add the ability to hold the donut (or as we refer to them, power ring) in your mouth, coffee in one hand, while crossing the median at 60 MPH.

DFrost

LOL

Why do people think it's funny that Law Enforcement likes doughnuts?

Seriously people. You try spending 12 hours a day in a vehicle, taking all your meals on the go.
Whatever you eat must compliment the endless stream of coffee (which comes in only two temperatures: cold as a witches tit, and the scalding flames of hell) otherwise, life just sucks.

Croissants? Nope. Not enough carbs or sugar. Not to mention, they're flakey, and make a mess of the front of your uniform.

Granola bars? Who has time to do that much chewing? Hard to respond to the radio whilst gnawing half a granola bar. Doughnuts are easily choked down in a hurry.

Sandwiches do a poor job of accompanying coffee.

I tried Campbell's Soup to Go cups once in Iraq. I ended up wearing most of it after hitting a pothole the size of Nebraska.

I finally managed to perfect the coffee-holding technique for persuits. It requires the installation of the same mechanism that the M1 Abrams tank employs to keep the barrel on target while moving over the terrain. Some sort of hydraulic thingamajig.

Despite my finely honed skills, however, I'd make a poor Trooper.
I hate running radar.

This is turning into a serious thread for LE-types......

Thankfully (I think) Krispy Kremes got introduced to the UK a couple of years ago - putting up with supermarket ones just wasn't good enough.

So - do you go for a 'topping' or a 'filled' with the associated uniform risks. And what's the record for number eaten in one sitting?

For that 3am caffeine-and-sugar craving, a doughnut is the king. Have you tried stuffing a snickers in your mouth in one go when you gotta rush off???

(I'm still laughing at the "Safety Gerbil" )

 Quote: rob bruce

... Thankfully (I think) Krispy Kremes got introduced to the UK a couple of years ago ....

I was afraid that someone would mention Krispy Kremes.

I was never much of a donut fan (despite a big sweet tooth) until I went into my first Krispy Kreme a few years ago and inhaled one of those glazed "regular" ones.

Something about the warm glaze and the totally deceptive lightness (doesn't seem to be a few million calories!) ....

Thank goodness the closest one to me is about 50 miles away.

Look! Pictures! http://www.krispykreme.com/varieties.html

 Quote: Rob Bruce

Have you tried stuffing a snickers in your mouth in one go when you gotta rush off??? ...

Yes.

There was much rejoicing in the Provost Marshals Office the day Krispy Kreme came to Washington.

Most doughnuts eaten in one sitting? For me, the whole box-o-13.
Bear in mind, however, that one sitting is around 4 hours long. On a 12-hour shift, you've got to pace yourself. Can't go rushing out there trying to catch all the evildoers in the first half of the shift. You'll only get tired (and likely, prematurely dead).

Personally, "filled doughnuts" are an abomination, devised by evil-doers to sully my uniform.
Topping is okay (sprinkles, frosting and what-not), with skill there is little to no mess.

Powdered used to be a big no-no for MPs, but since we switched from BDUs to ACUs (green and black to gray), most MPs can successfully pull of a powdered doughnut without risk.

I pity my civilian brethren, with their navy and black ensembles, who must still fear the powdered goodness.


Grr... look how hard I'm working:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v397/Uncle_Sams_Kid/100_1365_00.jpg



Edited by (12/06/2008 10:12 PM)
Edit reason: Added pic. Why not?

 Quote: Alyssa Myracle

Grr... look how hard I'm working:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v397/Uncle_Sams_Kid/100_1365_00.jpg

I notice the colleague to your left has the 'Combat Doughnut' fatigues on - a splodge from powdered, filled or otherwise is well hidden on that outfit

As for one sitting - 4 hours doesnt count (even so - 13!!) One sitting is one cup of coffee. I got fairly sick after 3....

I've almost perfected the one-handed-maple-glazed-technique. Getting custard out of blue serge is just impossible. Apparently....



Edited by Rob Bruce (12/06/2008 10:26 PM)
Edit reason: To moan about no Glazed Sour Cream ones anymore

Ah yes, my fabulous Iraqi counterpart, with the uber-original name, "Mohammed". No, I'm not kidding.
Great people, the Iraqis. Just realize that they will steal anything that is not nailed, bolted or otherwise securely fastened to an immovable object. It's just in their nature.

You can't stay angry at an Iraqi, though. They're like children- they love to tell pointless jokes, love to smile, love to laugh. Pretty much like LEOs everywhere.

Custard. Ugh. I will admit to settling for a custard-filled abomination when left no choice. About 9 hours into a shift, a custard-filled doughnut can actually induce a severe case of nausea. At least it does in this mudpuppy.