Just need a few opinions on a subject that keeps coming up in my household.

My husband and I have 3 children ages 16, 14 and 4. We moved to Wisconsin from Florida 6 years ago. Now over the last year or so my husband has been asked by his boss and others about taking a job back in Florida. The problem is, my teenagers are settled and in high school.

So, most of our family is in Florida (including both sets of aging parents), there are some financial benefits and of course there is the weather factor. We could get the company to transfer us, move us and be responsible for selling our house if we couldn't. In this economy for us it would be great to buy a house.

The problem is, would it scar the kids for life to move now, or is there a way to convince them that people move on and meet new friends and most people don't stay friends with everyone they knew in high school.

So, be honest and tell me what you think or of your personal experiences.

Thanks,
Lisa

I don't have kids so take this for what it's worth

It sounds like if you made two lists, one of positives to staying in Wisconsin, and one of positives to moving back to Florida, Florida would have a much longer list.

High School is a difficult time for kids to be relocated. But... you're right, I don't know very many people who keep in touch with classmates after 5 years or so. They'll go to college soon, and make new friends regardless. One thing you do have control over is what part of town you move into wherever you're going. Depending on how big the city is, you may have more than one choice of high school. If your kids excel at something in particular academically or sports related, choose to move into the school district that has the best program/curriculum for that thing. They have a better chance of making friends the sooner they get involved in something be it a club, team, or whatever.

Be prepared to put up with some teenage angst, but honestly, teenage life is full of that anyway, lol. If it wasn't the move, it'd be something else. I don't think you would scar your kids for life by moving them now.

It sounds like you've already talked about it, but if you haven't already done so, go ahead and treat them like adults. Show them the list of plus's you made for moving to FL. Give them a chance to say, you know what, you're right. Kids are important but so are families as a whole.

My family moved when I was in Jr. High from northern IL to north-central Arkansas. From suburbia to a fishing resort in a town so small we didn't even have a population sign! I think I turned out fine....

You are the one that knows your kids best. The advantage to Florida is that depending on where you move to, chances are they will not be the only "new kids."

So the question is, how do you think it will effect you kids?

I appreciate your honest opinion and your experiencial ones as well. I never moved as a kid, but have since I've been married. This would be our 4th move (we moved around Florida 2X before coming here). My husband and I only have a friend or two we still keep in touch with from high school and we were not the types to go to reunions. Maybe our kids will be different?

I think for me, the weather and being near family are the biggest factors. It's hard for my girls (the teenagers) to think beyond their friends and lives at this point. I might be the only selfish one in this decision : )

Looking forward to more perspectives!
Lisa

It's a tough choice.

Short term, it would be very difficult. Long-term it would just be another stage in their lives. Ultimately, we will do what's best for them.

My husband brought the subject up today (AGAIN) and it always gets me going. He mentions it to the kids too and if he had dropped the subject after it first came up a year ago, I might not think about it either. Maybe he's just being a jerk, I don't know, but I wouldn't be mulling it over if he would just keep quiet!

Lisa

My family moved in the middle of my freshman year and I ended up attending 3 different high schools...the last of which was a boarding school out-of-state.

Is it hard to leave friends? Yes. Is it difficult starting over? Yes. Will it scar them for life? No.

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Is there a way to convince them that people move on and meet new friends and most people don't stay friends with everyone they knew in high school.

Personally, I don't think this is the arguement you want to use. It minimizes what they're feeling and, IME, you won't convince them by using it.

14 and 16 is old enough to understand the reason for the move. They may not like it, they may be upset about it, but as parents, it's your job to make the tough decisions. If moving makes life better for your family, then that's what you have to do. I think kids take their cues from their parents and if you're OK and confident with the move, then they, eventually, will be too.

I'll add I think it's important to listen to your kids, both before and after the move, pay attention to what they're saying (however disagreeable), and acknowledge that what they're going through is hard. It's a big change and it's a loss and kids usually don't have a whole lot of experience dealing with those kinds of emotions.

JMHO

My family moved when I was 12 and my brother was 14. My brother was bummed for awhile but quickly got over it. I was happy to move as it was an adventure to me :-) I don't have kids but my take is kids are pretty resilient. I am sure the teens might be upset for awhile but they should be able to move on. In today's economy it is better to take these offers while they are given. Good luck in whatever you all decide!

I appreciate your comments. It is hard for them to know how moving on from friendships is part of life. At their ages, that's what its all about. I get that, but have never personally had to make this choice (as a kid in high school).

We probably won't end up moving, but I am sure wrestling with these thoughts every winter!

Lisa

It sounds like a decision for the parents to make, but of course with some acknowledgment and discussion with the kids. I have a teenage daughter who is really into her friends, so I know what a tough call it is. Still, they DO move on. My daughter has switched schools, made tons of new friends and still keeps in touch with her old friends. I'm still friends with some of my friends from high school who live thousands of miles away.

Moving away does not mean losing friends, it just means staying in touch in different ways, and having opportunities to make new friends in more places. I think it's healthy to learn to adjust to new situations while still still young, having the support of family. Life changes; learning to adapt is a wonderful thing. I don't believe that a relocate would leave the kids scarred for life. I think it would be tough at first, but in the end would create a positive, expansive experience.

Military families do this all the time. Military officers move every 2-3 years and take their families with them. It's certainly not convenient but it will certainly NOT scar your kids for life.

After their 2nd or 3rd month in school they'll have a whole new set of friends. You need to do what's right to provide the most stability for your family, and by stability I mean your ability to provide for them what they need, i.e. food, shelter, etc.