Excerpts From A Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disguise and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overhead that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced that the other captives and flunkies are snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the high metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...........


Cat Proverbs

10. Do unto others whatever the hell you want to.

9. The world is your litter box.

8. Always put off until tomorrow anything that interferes with a nap.

7. Look before you lick.

6. Pride goeth before ... you've got to be friggin' kidding me!

5. You scratch my back.

4. Strike while the feet are bare.

3. When in doubt, wash.

2. If at first you don't succeed, act like you intended to fail.

and the Number 1 Cat Proverb ...
1. The way to your owner's heart is through their ankles when they least expect it.

http://www.xarifacats.com/cat_funnies.htm

I laugh my butt off at that every time I read it! Even though I am much more of a dog person, I do love my cats. The excerpts from the cats diary are exactly how I imagine what goes on in their evil little cat minds!

This is my favorite quote...

"Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts."

Thanks for posting that Jo! I needed a good laugh today.

You're more than welcome. I laughed so hard I snorted. The website is funny.

My favorite quote:

"Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs."