I think too, if you approach as 'what a great opportunity for you to meet new friends, move somewhere warm' etc, than it's something exciting for them instead of something negative for them.

Yes, I can think of many positive aspects! Love your new sig pic!
Lisa

I think a lot of it depends on the kids themselves. Some kids will do great and others will have a hard time.

I moved in 7th grade (Indiana to Connecticut) and again in 10th grade (Connecticut back to Indiana). for me the move to CT was the best, but the move back to Indiana was AWFUL. I think I got into situations I never would have if I hadn't moved. I was so angry at my parents, and really defied anything that involved common sense.

another thing I've noticed is that the new kids attract the 'bottom of the food chain' sector when they go to a new school. As long as they are prepared for that, and have good support from you they will do fine.

I moved my son here in 4th grade, and I won't move him again no matter what. I may be in the minority but I harbor some resentment about being uprooted my sophomore year of high school to a place that I didn't want to move to. (I had lived there before so I knew the place)

So I think it depends on the kids, the place they will be moved to and their self esteem.

My daughters best friend moved from here to South Carolina in 10th grade, it was awful for her and I think as bad for my daughter losing her best friend. Her mother and I promiced the girls that if they helped save their money, they could visit each other during the summer. They worked hard on earning that money and between that and the long distant phone calls, they survived it. they did make the visit and one other while in high school, now several years later, with kids of their own, they have remained close, so there is ways to deal with the issues of leaving friends.

I appreciate your candid response. It is really a tough choice and it won't be done lightly. Up until now there were certain things keeping me from wanting to move, but some of those things have recently changed

One thing that I did not consider before moving here was that my kids would love it so much they would never want to leave. I've always known I would want to go back to Florida, but would hate to leave my kids behind (in college or in general in the near future).

It was nice to get some different perspectives and it keeps me from going crazy and feeling completely selfish about the whole thing.

I would hate to move and have my daughters get involved in things that would defy common sense-it's bad enough they're both almost old enough to date I can just imagine the things they might do if they really wanted to "get us back for ruining there lives"!

Lisa

What Kurt said

I grew up "in the army" with my father being career military. My family moved every 1-3 years throughout my life. The only school I didn't leave/transfer out of was college. I went to 2 different elementary schools, 3 different high schools as did my brother. It was more difficult for my brother, who was more 'social' and who did have a difficult time leaving his friends. However because of his social temperament, he always made new friends immediately and being an athlete in school, quickly "climbed the ladder" into "the in crowd" in every school he entered. I was more introvert and never had a problem moving, leaving friends, it was always a new adventure for me - took me longer to adjust and make new friends when I moved, but I adjusted on my own just fine (I thought) - being more of a loner not having friends for a while was ok with me. Either way, kids adjust and if you move they will not be traumatized for life, they will adjust and be just fine.

molly

Lisa, I read your posts but I did not see where you said what your teenagers thought about all this. The fact that you have to "convince them" makes me think they do not want to move.

So I am wondering... why are you considering the move? Is your husband out of work now and being offered a job in Florida? Or is he currently working, but the new job would be significantly more money or stability? Or he doesn't like his current job and hopes the new one will be better?

If you want to make things better for your family... consider what your family WANTS. Would they rather have more money and warm weather, make new friends, hang out at the beach all the time, or great memories of high school with their current friends, winter activities like skating and skiing, as well as summer activities? What would your husband's lifestyle be like? Is it more/longer hours away from the family?

All they have from their childhood when they grow up is the memories. What kind of memories do they want to have?

I have to say my parents still live in my childhood home and I am very glad that I never had to be uprooted.

So.... my vote is definitely to talk to the family (kids) and ask them their opinion. Maybe have them each come up with their own lists of pros and cons. Then spend some time sharing your pro and con list with them and considering their views.

If the move is unavoidable (i.e. he needs the job) then explain this to them, they are old enough to understand.

Kurt beat me to it.

(BTW, teenagers will balk for the sake of balking, even if they secretly like the idea. It's genetic.)

I moved from Asia to the U.S. when I was in 8th grade, not knowing English, my parents gave me no choice but to adapt.
They did not take any pity on me, just told me that it had to be done. Their point of view was, if other kids could do it, then I could do it.

Did it scar me for life? No, it made me a lot more independent than other kids my age.

My family moved again when I was in my second semester of my junior year in high school. Was it hard? Yeah, but oh well, that's life. I lived under my parents' roof, so I had to go by their decisions.

Do not underestimate your kids, they can adapt, if they choose to.

Funny thing is that my husband spent 6 months of last year working in Jacksonville, FL. I drove there and spent 3 weeks living at a extended stay hotel so we could spend time with him.

If we moved there the money would be less, but he wouldn't be traveling so much. That part would provide a lot more stability. We would be near our aging parents (no other willing relatives) are really there to help them out when they are ill.

We have talked about it and haven't considered it because of the kids, but if my husband really felt like he did not want to do it................. he would quit bringing it up IMO.

My parents lived in the same house for 35 years and it was nice to always go "home" again when visiting. They have since moved further north. I have felt much more adventurous in my own life moving around a bit and traveling. It has made me much more self-sufficient being a "single mom" for long periods. It sure does get old after awhile and my husband misses us terribly when he's gone. There is only so much you can do with a webcam and a four year old who's missing his dad.


So, that is why it has come up again. Ultimately it would be up to the adults, but I know in the long run, it should be a well thought out decision. My teenagers can not yet understand some of the issues we are facing and thoughts about the long term future.

I am very grateful for all of the responses and it has given me more to think about. It is just February in Wisconsin, and I'm cold!

It is nice to have a place to get some new perspectives on things!
Lisa