 Re: What to do at the end?
[Re: Michael_Wise ]
#263817 - 01/30/2010 03:01 PM |
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... If you can step back and let them have their time to deal with the death their way, I think you will be so surprised at how they "see" death.
Watching my current dog go through the motions with our last dog that died really helped me to cope.
So so true. I learned a big lesson from my dogs around this very thing.
They had complete understanding; it was clear that this was simply a fact of life to them.
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Re: What to do at the end?
[Re: Juliana McCabe ]
#263818 - 01/30/2010 03:04 PM |
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That's right, never thought of that. There are 3 or 4 vets in town. When I get to a point that I can keep it together long enough to get my questions out I'll see who's willing to do what, keeping the large animal vets in mind too.
Thank you Juliana.
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Re: What to do at the end?
[Re: Michael_Wise ]
#263821 - 01/30/2010 03:27 PM |
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That is so interesting Connie and Michael. Your information and views on this are giving me a lot of peace. The experiences you mention have me pushing aside the premature grief and actually filling in with curiosity. I'm starting to feel an overwhelming compassion and respect for the process.
So perhaps best to give the boys some time with the body at home, in the yard. And maybe not so good to have them around when we bury him. We do have a beautiful walk on this acreage so maybe bring them and keep them in the vehicle until we've made our peace, then go for a walk? I'm thinking excersice maybe a good distraction or will they not be up for it just then.
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Re: What to do at the end?
[Re: CJ Barrett ]
#263823 - 01/30/2010 03:36 PM |
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My experience (even after a many-years pack member died) has been that the other dogs poked him, nudged him, sniffed around his mouth and eyes, and then turned to me for time to leave. I mean, this was not even a five-minute ritual.
And a walk would probably be perfect.
My guys did a minimal amount of checking up on the missing dog's bowl and bed, but when I think back to the stress other losses in the past put on the pack structure and the apparent confusion and anxiety I perceived in the survivors, this was an incredible change for the better.
When a strong pack member dies, there can be a little uneasiness over pack order, and I am super careful to emphasize that nothing has changed, that I am the forever pack leader, that no empty position must be filled, that routine will remain the same, and so on.
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Re: What to do at the end?
[Re: CJ Barrett ]
#263824 - 01/30/2010 03:42 PM |
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So perhaps best to give the boys some time with the body at home, in the yard. And maybe not so good to have them around when we bury him. We do have a beautiful walk on this acreage so maybe bring them and keep them in the vehicle until we've made our peace, then go for a walk? I'm thinking excersice maybe a good distraction or will they not be up for it just then. I don't think there would be a problem with having them there for the burial as much as I think you and your husband might want some time to yourselves with him.
The burial part was a whole new set of emotions for my wife and I. That was a tough part of it for me personally. I can tell that you are really thinking of the other dogs as much as yourself in this. It might be nice for you and your husband to have your time to put them aside for a minute and grieve the way you need.
The plan that you just mentioned sounds perfect to me. Are they pretty good crated in the car for the time it would take you to bury him?
If so, I can't think of anything better than for you guys to go on a good walk to end the burial. Letting the dogs deal with the death in there own way and then going on a walk to let them know that the pack is still intact sounds awesome.
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Re: What to do at the end?
[Re: Connie Sutherland ]
#263825 - 01/30/2010 04:04 PM |
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I've often said to people that I strive to live up to the high standards set by my dogs (devotion, dedication, willingness, fairness and transparency) in their need to function harmoniously with us.
I can see now that they will be teaching me another life lesson through this process - which I intend to take in (from a distance) wholeheartedly.
And I appreciate your reminder about pack leader. This is not about me and I will remain strong for them and the good of the pack.
Thank you Connie.
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Re: What to do at the end?
[Re: Michael_Wise ]
#263831 - 01/30/2010 04:36 PM |
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Yes, I do understand what you are saying there. The grave site was a very emotional time for both of us with our dog that passed away in 1999. I will never forget it and I think that's what had my initial anxiety over this up so high.
I think the insight you guys have given me will put me in a better head space this time. It doesn't have to be that traumatic and it's a gift that needs to be celebrated - perhaps the dogs will show me how briefly.
And yes, they are used to being crated in the vehicles for extended periods of time if/when necessary. So the walk is a good thing that I'm sure we'll all look forward to.
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Re: What to do at the end?
[Re: CJ Barrett ]
#263845 - 01/30/2010 07:22 PM |
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CJ, one last thing regarding when you are at the vet's. If you discuss ahead of time, your vet might be willing to allow your dog to stay in the truck, instead of coming into the office. Our vet did this for our lab, and it was a little easier on everyone involved.
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Re: What to do at the end?
[Re: Lynne Barrows ]
#263861 - 01/30/2010 08:27 PM |
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It’s interesting you mention that Lynne. Hubby and I were just talking about this very thing.
A few years back when Edward’s skeletal problems were becoming quite apparent and he was having difficulty jumping into the back of the truck, Bob built a great little ramp for him to use. Edward is big boy and never has liked being picked up in any way. Bob was wondering if we should bring the ramp into the vet’s office. Then we kind of both got to the question about what if they could just come into the truck and do it there. It would be so much better for him. Ideally, we will see if a vet is willing to come out here and if not, that will be our second question.
Thank you for confirming that this option may be available.
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Re: What to do at the end?
[Re: Lynne Barrows ]
#263863 - 01/30/2010 08:39 PM |
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CJ, one last thing regarding when you are at the vet's. If you discuss ahead of time, your vet might be willing to allow your dog to stay in the truck, instead of coming into the office. Our vet did this for our lab, and it was a little easier on everyone involved.
You'll want to discuss this thoroughly in advance, in case there are plans for administering a sedative first and because of the logistics of having an IV in place for the barbiturate overdose.
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