Thank you Barbara. I do believe my husband loves his children, but his father was a very verbally abusive dad and according to his mom my husband could never live up to his father's expectations. I suspect this is the reason that he can't or won't give up the dog, because it would be one more way of failing in his dad's eyes. That will be my next step but something I am trying to avoid. I don't think taking my kids from their home is fair to them, but if it comes down to it, I will in a heartbeat. I am trying to talk to him one more time tonight about it, and we may be leaving then if he is still not willing to discuss it.

I suppose your husband wishes to keep the dog because it was his fathers.
You are in a tough spot. Biting dog+toddler=disaster.
Rat terriers are super smart- you might be able to teach her that the children are yours and if she so much as looks at them there will be trouble from YOU. If husband is at work all day --- that leaves hours for your rat terrier to learn to sit, to stay, to remain so many feet away from the children at all times or ELSE. Maybe when the children are napping you could bring the dog in and do some training. Buy a crate, train her to stay in it, feed her in it, no more hanging out under the high chair. Or buy her a bed, make her sit in it, and stay in it, and don't let the kids go near. If nothing else, teaching this dog some manners will help it to find a different home. At 11, the average rat terrier is middle aged.

 Quote: Cindy Rieck

I am trying to talk to him one more time tonight about it, and we may be leaving then if he is still not willing to discuss it.

Hopefully, he will be open to discussing ways to better manage the situation so that you feel safe enough to remain at home; obviously that would be best for all involved.

Betty's ideas of perhaps you working with the dog a bit during the day when your children are napping might be a way to begin helping both the dog and yourself...

The OP hasn't answered any questions but those that help her justify getting rid of the dog.

It sounds as if all minds are closed in this situation.

I don't see the work the dog needs happening. Re-homing the dog to a place where she can be safe, the kids can be safe, should be the solution.

I am willing to help the dog, as I'm sure most of the members of this board would.

I know that the OP sounds horrible. However this was meant to show how at my wits end I am with my husband not willing to discuss the situation and me being at home alone with a dog that bites my children, a toddler and an infant none the less 75% of the day by myself(she hasn't broken skin on the 5 month old but she snapped the other day when she was laying on the floor waving her arms while I was trying to catch the dog to put her outside)and her not listening to me (hence the reason I was trying to shut all the doors to catch her to even get her outside). My husband will say well just, do this or that with the dog, however when I have two little kids to take care of I don't have a lot of time to devote to the dog. I do think perhaps having an old family friend of their families talk to my husband about it might be a way to see what he is thinking. My MIL has offered to contact this person and perhaps my husband would be willing to talk to him about the dog and perhaps even he would be willing to take the dog. I would never do anything to the dog, because I could never do that to my husband, or live with it in my conscience. But I am still back to the point, I don't believe the dog is in the best situation in our home and I just wish leaving my home wasn't what I had to do.

 Quote: Betty Landercasp

I suppose your husband wishes to keep the dog because it was his fathers.
You are in a tough spot. Biting dog+toddler=disaster.
Rat terriers are super smart- you might be able to teach her that the children are yours and if she so much as looks at them there will be trouble from YOU. If husband is at work all day --- that leaves hours for your rat terrier to learn to sit, to stay, to remain so many feet away from the children at all times or ELSE. Maybe when the children are napping you could bring the dog in and do some training. Buy a crate, train her to stay in it, feed her in it, no more hanging out under the high chair. Or buy her a bed, make her sit in it, and stay in it, and don't let the kids go near. If nothing else, teaching this dog some manners will help it to find a different home. At 11, the average rat terrier is middle aged.

This is excellent advice.

When the kids are napping or otherwise occupied you need to have the dog tethered to you or dragging a leash. When the kids need your attention put the dog in the crate with something for her to chew on (a kong stuffed with peanut butter would be great). You need to be her boss. There are plenty of free ebooks here on Leerburg that will tell you how to do it.

Make her crate a welcomed place for her so that she will go in when your husband is home so that he can see that it isn't an evil thing.

Be sure that you train your kids to leave the dog alone. Think of the dog as a hot stove that they are to stay away from for their own safety. Do not let the dog go near the kids.

Don't be hanging empty treats over your husband, or the dog, or the kids. Only say what you are 100% willing to back up.

I'm sure that you are smarter than the dog and you can be her boss. You just have to start acting like it. No bribes, no bullying, just calm authority.

 Quote: debbie bruce

Don't be hanging empty treats over your husband, or the dog, or the kids. Only say what you are 100% willing to back up.

I think you meant to say "empty threats" not treats... Just wanted to clarify for the OP.

I understand and empathize with your frustrations and I can feel the worry you are feeling for your babies coming through your posts.
It sounds like this dog was undersocialized from the beginning, and is probably reactive due to fear.

Have you considered consulting with a trainer and having them do an in-home evaluation and maybe some sessions. These sessions won't solve anything right away, but can give you the tools to make the situation better for everyone.

Sometimes a fresh perspective can really be helpful when trying to find solutions.

 Quote: barbara schuler

 Quote: debbie bruce

Don't be hanging empty treats over your husband, or the dog, or the kids. Only say what you are 100% willing to back up.

I think you meant to say "empty threats" not treats... Just wanted to clarify for the OP.

Ahh, the difference one little "h" can make.

I'll just go contemplate creating world peace. Or is that whorled peas?

 Quote: barbara schuler

Actually, you do get my sympathy that your husband would tell you to leave and take the children rather than work with you on a solution to keep his children safe. SHAME on him. The dog is not to blame - he is.

In addition, your husband isn't treating the dog any better than his kids...tossing him down in a basement by himself after being outside by himself all day - this is no life for the dog either!

I'm going to be blunt here... this situation is simply a symptom of a much greater problem - without even touching the topic of your marriage, I think it is safe to say the man you chose to father your children is not up to the task. There should be no need of "convincing" him his babies are his first priority.

Personally, I think packing up the two babies and going home to mom is a good idea. JMHO. I'm very sorry you are having to deal with this, but at least you now know where you stand.

No, none of this is fair to the dog either, and I know many others will give you suggestions on how to deal with that issue.

I'm going to second Barbara's advice here.
I'm chiming in late and don't have anything really new to add to help the OP, but I wanted to address some of you who are getting a little snippy about Cindy being reluctant to rehome the dog and considering PTS instead. We are talking about a dog who has bitten children repeatedly, and snapped at a baby who probably can't even crawl yet. If this were a big dog there almost wouldn't be a question. Is it completely fair to the dog? No, but that wouldn't necessarily change my opinion either. Rehome if possible with full disclosure, but many rescues (legitimately) wont even consider a dog like this. Yes, she might be able to work on this at home, by herself, but I'm not comfortable with that idea either, unless she can get hubby on board. Even then... the dog has already made biting and snapping a habit (even before she came to live with the OP). No matter how much you may wish it and commit to it, 100% separation isn't always possible, especially with small children.

I have a dog from a similar set of circumstances, that fortunately has turned out much better. It was a situation I wasn't totally thrilled about at first because she is a big, oblivous and occasionally obnoxious dog, who was pretty stable, but not very well socialized around small children. If she had shown any aggression towards my kids, I would not be able to keep her; it really is that simple. No matter how much I love my Grandma (and I do) and no matter how much she loved this dog (she really did), the risk wouldn't be worth it. Daisy is a tie to my Grandma, sure. But to put my children at risk just to maintain that tie, would be a grave disservice to my Grandmother's memory.