We are having a huge family crisis over my mom's dog biting my daughter. We were out of town on Christmas vaction. My mom brought her dog with her. She bought the dog as a companion after her husband died a month ago. It is a 3yr. old maltsepoo (rescued dog). My 8 year old daughter reached out to pet him as he was laying on my mom's lap (I was standing right beside her). With out being provoked the dog bit her right in the face. Bit into her top and bottom lip and nipped the top of her mouth as well. We drove her to the emergency room. There was so much blood I couldnt tell how bad it was. She did not get stitches because of fear of infection. Our pediatrician started her on antibiotics yesterday. It seems to be healing fine. The problem is my mom is acting like the victim because I wont let my children around the dog. My children typically go to their grandmothers house after school, but I am having to rearrange everything because my mom will do nothing with her dog, not even crate him. My kids are scared of the dog but are also devistated that they may never be able to go to her house again. Everyone in my extended family thinks I'm over reacting. What is your thought?

This is easy. Sue your mom. LOL.

Joking...
Hmmm, I would be willing to bet that part of your mom's victim routine is that she feels a sense of guilt over what happened and doesn't quite know how to react. If she does something with the dog, that's kind of like accepting blame, etc. etc.

Not to say that she's right. I had a tiny dog like this at one point. I have to say that unprovoked to you does not mean unprovoked to the dog. The dog had a reason. Having said that, it sounds like a pretty serious bite.

Approaching a tiny dog on someone's lap can be a trigger for some tiny dogs. Elevating the dog is probably adding to the problem; not only can't a tiny dog reach a child's face on the floor, but it typically won't lash out in the same manner. You have no idea what the dog is like, what kind of breeding (we already know some moron bred it as a designer breed for all the wrong reasons), and what kind of life it had before.

There are so many variables it's very hard to say what the proper protocol is. I would continue to stay away from the little demon spawn until your mother comes to her senses and crates the monster. I don't hold out much hope of her doing anything more productive anytime soon, as she seems to be in a bit of denial about the seriousness of the situation.

There needs to be management on both sides of this. While I understand why you're freaked out, panic and fear will help nobody, especially the kids. Speaking in terms of "never" can feel reasonable when you are freaked out, but again, it's counter productive.


In this instance, the provocation was reaching out toward the dog while it was on your mother's lap. That doesn't mean the dog behaved in a way that's even remotely okay, it's just that the dog perceived the outstretched hand as a threat and acted accordingly, or more likely was resource guarding (behaving possessively around your mother). This behavior is most definitely NOT okay, and needs to be addressed by your mother ASAP.

At the same time, there are many dogs that find children intimidating for one reason or another. Teaching children the right way to approach and handle a dog can go a long way to preventing injuries. I'm not saying your child behaved inappropriately (I wasn't there) just that it's the other half of the child/dog safety equation.

This sucks, but need not be a crisis. The best thing you all can do is open some dialog about working together to work on solving the problem. That means all of you need to learn about pack structure and dog behavior so you can all get on the same page.

Some free resources on this site that I highly recommend:
groundwork article
preventing dog bites in children

I on occasion have a "chat" with Mom about stuff in her life and on occasion I get a little direct about it within the confines of two adults talking to each other. These are not always fun conversations but few things in life need to be as direct as the safety of your kid around dogs. Simply let her know that it's up to her if she wants to see her grandkids on your terms.

Your terms are that they not interact with the dog. It doesn't mean the dog can't come on family vacations, be there on family holidays, etc. It just means that the dog stays in a crate, or on a leash and the kids keep clear and if she can't handle that it doesn't mean you don't love her, it just means that the kids can't be around her when she's got the dog. Your kids, your rules, have a backbone about it but if she's not willing to flex it just means you might have to switch things up. Family members we don't agree with the living situations on we usually meet at neutral locations like restaurants.

As far as extended family, if they're anything like my large extended family they have opinions on a great many things that they know absolutely nothing about. Feel free to politely let them know this is between you and Mom and they should butt out.

Do you think asking her to crate the dog while the kids are at her house is reasonable? Right before this happened my little the dog was sitting in my moms lap and my little girl was feeding him his dog food out of her hand. She was sitting beside him. I guess my fear is that at some point one of my children may threaten the dog in a way that we dont perceive to be a threat. I don't won't to take a chance on this happening again. We are a very close family and I love my mom. She got this dog a month ago because her husband had just passed away and she wanted a companion. I feel bad for her, BUT I just dont think dog needs to be around children.

 Quote: Lisa Causey

Do you think asking her to crate the dog while the kids are at her house is reasonable?

I don't think it's unreasonable at all....either in a crate or on a leash and not in contact with the children. At the same time (and this is just me) I would hope that mom would look into ways to correct her dog's behavior (and read the articles I linked) so that at least the possibility of working on the child/dog relationship can exist.

Older people can be extremely unreceptive to measures like crating and tethering (the latter is really taking pretty much of me to get used to- I had never heard of this until I found Leerburg and I am looked at like a animal abuser around here when I even suggest this to anyone) and people as general can disregard this kind of measures as something needed for big bad service and bully breeds. This is one of the reasons I love this board- real life examples that tip these misconceptions.

I would probably print out the articles Kristel linked and let the mother read explaining that it all doesn´t have to be that strict 24/7 but it is a real problem if a dog bites a child and at least for the time that the kids are visiting, some of these measures have to be employed to insure that something similar doesn´t happen again.

I can´t imagine what I would feel if my child was bitten that badly by a dog and I honestly can´t understand how the kids grandparent could take it so lightly (I would probably have to beg my mother not to put the dog to sleep and try other measures instead but then again she sees a dog as a dog, not as a person like many people). The fact is that there has been a terrible accident that might show in a little girls face for the rest of her life and if nothing was done, I would feel it would be risking the health of my children to put them in the same position again. Only a bad parent would place their children in a situation that is dangerous to them (it was proven that it is) and this should be something that every parent could relate to.

I really hope your mother will hear your point and the kids can visit their grandmother again! It is a chance that less and less children get these days and t would be a great loss if something like this changed that.

I don't really have any advice for you except to say that if your mom got this dog a month ago to help her get over the recent death of her husband she is going to be a little emotional about him.

Not saying she's right and not saying you are being unreasonable, I just think the circumstances are a little bit unusual.

I don't know your relationship with your mom but if I was in your shoes I would ask her out for a cup of coffee or lunch and tell her that you know she loves the little fella and that you don't want to get between that but that you do have some concerns about your children.

Neutral place, just you and her, and no blame. This is the situation now-and this is the situation I want. What can we do that you will be happy and I will be happy.

And frankly, just tell the rest of the family to butt out, this is between you and your mom!

From the information you gave, I feel there's a couple things at work here...

First, most 'designer dogs' I meet are usually all a psychological shipwreck to begin with. I'm sure we could all rant for DAYS about this.

Second, and don't be offended at ALL because I don't know all of the details so I am guessing... Most "rescue" dogs aren't really disciplined properly because their new owners feel bad for them. Especially because of the circumstances that your mother got the dog. There was probably a lack of leadership training with the dog.

While the dog was completely out of line, i can see WHY it bit. Like everyone else mentioned, small-dog-on-the-lap syndrome kicked in. I think it could benefit from leadership training.

Set ground rules for the kids. Taking them completely away from the dog might not be a good idea. No touching the dog, no eye contact with it, just ignore it. And set ground rules for your mother too. Dog needs to be tethered to your mom with kids in the house. No picking up the dog either.That's always my first rule with small unstable dogs- leave them on the floor! You can help your mom with leadership training. Maybe if she understands WHY the dog did it (from a psychological point of view) she won't feel so victimized.

Its a tough situation but encourage everyone to move on. Accidents will happen... I would hate to see your kids afraid of dogs because of this. Or have the dog be the center of bad feelings in your family. Good luck!

I keep going back to the fact that a malteepoo bit a human in the face. Regardless of the circumstances, this is WAY to close for anybody to be to a strange dogs face.

I say strange because the dog is only a month into it's new home which is supercharged with emotions at the moment.

This whole thing is tough.

Your Mom is going through a hell of a time right now. The dog is probably feeling this much.

I'd give it time, but stand your ground on kid/dog separation. In the meantime everybody can work on their view of how to interact with this dog.

There are definitely problems with the family/dog relationship. What your Mom is dealing with is much bigger.

Keep the dog and kids seperate, in as understanding of a tone as possible let your Mom know how it is going to be for a little while, and then wait for her to heal.

Try to make this as small of a deal as possible for your Mom. I really feel like when the situation is a little less emotionally charged, and rules are in place for the dog and kids, that this will resolve a lot on it's own.

Note the bold letters.