I would appreciate some advice on reassuring my oldest son, Jamie, that we had no choice but to have Harry put out of the pain, because he has regular and reccuring dreams; he has his head on his lap, eyes sad, but tail wagging, looking like he did before the pain and misery, and ferocious aggression began.

The PM showed a massive abscess on his brain,exactly like the Aunt and two other youngsters PM's found from that line, resulting in the Horners developing.

I need him to understand, we did the ony thing we could, and that to kid ourselves was not going to help Haz, and we definitely did the right thing.

These dreams come often, he says he can feel his breath on his face and his soft head under his hand, its always at my house, and he wants to take him for one last walk, then as he puts his lead on, he wakes up.

How can I help him stop blaming himself, ( and deep down I think me), for letting Haz go?

The guilt is killing him.

Awwwwwwwwwwww. I'm so sorrry. I wish I had some advice for you to give to your son. How old is he?

YOU know that you did the right thing Tracey. It's made your home a much happier, safer place for the rest of your pack. Especially with the results of the necropsy.

How sad Have you explained to him that Harry was sicker than he appeared and that now he is happy and free?
After losing relatives, I have had the same dreams- of them looking and acting as they did in better times. My mom explained to me that sometimes those we love come to us in dreams to show us that they are better again. This really helped me (and still does in my 20's) Perhaps you could turn it a bit-
"What a wonderful thing that Harry has chosen to be in your dreams and bring back the fond memories! I know that how he is in your dreams is exactly the way he wants you to remember him and how much he loved you. He wants you to remember all of the fun walks you two had before he was sick, and how great that you have the chance to do it again in your dreams." That's how I'd do it with my 8&6 yr olds, but maybe something similar would work for you.

I was talking with my beloved aunti last night about how she handles visits (in memory) from her son, who died in his young teens almost 40 years ago. Her way of attending to her son's 'ghost' was to open her heart to him whenever he came into her mind. To not shut him out. She said opening her heart to him meant that she had to feel the pain of his loss, but that was better than trying to hold the pain away by holding his memory away. She said, "You know, the really big feelings, they have eased off, but I still have to deal with the guilty feelings that I could have prevented the accident if I had been a better mother. I just have to say to myself, 'I did the best I could,' and leave it at that."

To love someone, something, a pet, is to risk their inevitable loss, and enduring the pain of that loss. We can't love without it. That's why love is so powerful. It sounds like your son loved Harry, and I would reassure him that it is okay to pet and be with Harry in his dreams. Its also okay for your son to feel sad about Harry being gone. Its normal.

I don't know how old your son is, but this is what helped my son. When he was 10, his cat got poisoned (?) and I took her to the E-vet. They triaged her, started IV, examined her blood for the 'usual' poisons (rat, fertilizer and antifreeze IIRC). $1500 later she started shedding intestine cells in her diarrhea and the vet said I could spend $2K up to do more or put her painlessly to sleep.

My son felt REALLY bad we hadn't spent the money and had dreams about Shadow, from which he woke up crying. I got him a 'Dreamcatcher' and hung it on his wall above his bed, explaining its use and how it would 'catch' all the bad, upsetting dreams and only leave the good ones.

It worked. He only had one more dream about Shadow and that was a 'fun' dream in which she chased a giant green mouse and they played with it.

I don't know how old your son is either - but my first loss was when I was 8. It was difficult for me - Sam passed away at night sleeping on my bed with me after a short battle with Cancer. I was devastated. My grandfather explained the Rainbow Bridge to me, and told me that Sam is with St. Francis waiting for me to come to him. Together we made Sam a St. Francis medal and we buried it with him.

I've had dreams about my lost animals, and I swear I've heard them. One dog, Mokie, used to wear a bell at night so that I knew where she was. Her bell is in a box high on a shelf, but I hear it once in a while... I hear it when I suffer a loss - I think it's her way of telling me that all's well and she's taking care of things.

A good friend wrote something to me after losing Faith. I would like to share it- maybe it will resonate with your son as it resonates with me:

"I think there’s a lot to be said for “Only the good die young” and the good ones leave us far too soon. It has me thinking that death, whatever that is, has a lot of great souls in its midst. How can something filled with that much good be all that bad. The pain and torment is left with the living."

Hugs to your son,

--Kel

 Quote:

These dreams come often, he says he can feel his breath on his face and his soft head under his hand, its always at my house, and he wants to take him for one last walk, then as he puts his lead on, he wakes up.

It sounds like Harry is telling him it is ok and that it is time for you and your son to move on.

What a wonderful gift Harry is giving you.

My vet says you look at the quality of life.

My grand daughter's hamster died (she took her everywhere) my son took her to get a new one, daisy the new hamster needed someone to take care of her. My suggestion get him a dog or pet of his own and explain that it needs him.

She's already got a house full of dogs, which is one of the reason's Harry is no longer with them. I'm not sure adding another dog to her full house would be a benefit to her, her son, or the rest of her pups.

Going through the loss of a pet isn't easy when you share that special bond. I lost a special friend earlier this year, and even now I keep his dog tags with me, next to my heart.

There really isn't alot you can say beyond whats been stated already. It's going to take time, the grieving process is different for everyone.

I wish your son a calm spirit, and many happy memories.