Dog near me to was PTS. Could not find a home.
I didn't sign the papers that could have prevented that shot.

I repeat in my mind:

"I cant. I have never had a dutch. What if the dog required a more educated owner? I don't have the MONEY for another sick dog. I CANT, its a HUGE liability. I have to worry about my grooming career first. I have to take care of my current dog, shes a load of work. I need to take care of us first."

What else am i missing?
No matter how much i repeat the above over and over, i still feel guilty. I could have prevented the dog's death. I killed a dog, you could put it that way. My head certainly does, it tortures me.

How do YOU deal with it?
Do you say things to yourself?
What helps you stay focused, and pain free? (well, as pain free as it can get, knowing a dog was pts, because it couldn't find a home, and you have a home.)

I know leerburg can help with some personal advice from those people who have been in my shoes.
I appreciate every single thing you ALL do to help other dogs and dog lovers! Thanks!

Brianah,

In the first instance, you can only do what you can do. A decision is not on your shoulders alone, if at all.

Accepting a foster dog is a big responsibility. It ain't cheap, it is often frustrating, it can be disruptive to the family and other dogs in the house, it is a decision not to be made flippantly or on the spur of the moment. And it is a decision to be made in collaboration and with the approval of other family members.

At the moment, I have four GSDs. Three are rescues that I took in as fosters, and subsequently adopted. I can tell you without fear of contradiction, taking one dog into your home is a burden, and then another, and then another, etc. could be considered grounds for a psychiatric evaluation.

When I see the ads on TV portraying the deplorable conditions and pitiful circumstances of dogs, I have to immediately turn the channel because I have some awareness of the abject cruelty visited on the creatures at the hands of humans.

So, you do what you can do and don't look back. The would have, could have, might have decisions not made are gone. There is no future in the past. And a future decision should not be made with a burden of past guilt feelings adding weight to the scale.

There are many ways to help with fostering efforts. You can donate food, you can volunteer to exercise dogs at facilities or for a foster worker, you can donate money to worthy organizations, you can join an organization, and there are more things limited only by creativity. You don't have to take in a foster to help.

First and foremost, there should be no guilt associated with a decision. You can only do what you can do.

You can do what you did with this post, be interested and supportive.

A lot of what Mike said. Get involved with how you can - transport from shelter to foster, or from foster to adoption event, or volunteering at shelters. Help organize fundraisers. Help network dogs and connect them with rescue organizations, breed specific or all breed.

And know that everyone eventually burns out. Don't hate them when it happens and don't feel horrible when it happens to you.

You can't focus on the failures or the ones you left behind. It will kill you.

Focus on what you can do. Can't adopt of foster, volunteer at the shelter to help socialize dogs and cats. Donate collars or leashes for them to send home with the dogs. Take a box of treats or rawhides for the dogs. Share dogs and cats on Facebook to help them get networked.

Sometimes even when you try to adopt, other factors make you fail... I tried once, and failed. It broke my heart, but I learned from it and moved on. She still lives in my heart and will never be forgotten. http://leerburg.com/webboard/thread.php?topic_id=30327&page=1

Your thread made me cry for the second time, Kelly.. MDAS is hell. 5 minutes of looking and I've found two Dutchies, 2 Mals and a Carlin ACD look alike. It's not even remotely possible to save them all.

I'm sorry, Brianah, that you are going through this. I've got some experience as a rescue volunteer, too, and your feelings are familiar to me. Feeling sadness and pain about the plight of homeless dogs is natural for a true dog lover. Guilt, however, is something that I hope you will be able to put behind you.

FWIW, I believe you made the right decision, for all the reasons you stated. You cannot, should not, put yourself in debt or change the entire course of your life to take on a responsibility you are not equipped for. You say you feel you could have prevented this dog's death. It is not helpful or productive to think of it that way, because there will always be another dog that catches your attention, and another, and so on. Don't let yourself get trapped in that cycle of self-torture.

People who are able to adopt a dog or take in a foster are absolute angels. Some people can do that, others cannot, for a variety of reasons. What keeps me from focusing too much on what I cannot do is to put my energy into helping in the ways I know I can. Mike and Kristin have already highlighted some great ways you can help out and make a difference. Dog rescue is a concerted effort between countless individuals who each do what they are able. Each link in the chain is valued and needed. Concentrate on your own link and know you are helping in ways best suited to your individual circumstances.

Guilt and/or grief will get you nowhere.

Edited by Kelly (03/05/2014 03:27 PM)
Edit reason: changed my mind...

I can't foster. I have my own dogs, I need to keep space available to bring back a dog of my breeding if needed, and I am very cautious about what dogs I allow on my property since I breed. Some things can live a long time in the soil.

That being said. I drop off a bag of food at the shelter when ever we buy ours. I offer to evaluation working dogs,or larger breeds. I will help network. I donate.

Is it enough? Never. But if I am giving 100 percent of what I can do without overwhelming myself I'm in it for the long haul and I think that's a good thing.

I can relate!!!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10203536583762078&set=o.131817526895342&type=1&theater

I'm actually facing this now...with one of my private fosters.

He's taken a sudden dramatic backslide in training. And it's not training...there is something medically and neurologically "wrong" with him, and it's unfortunatly coming out in untriggered aggression.

This is a foster, he's a pit mix (so already less adoptable), higher drive (less options for a home). I've done basic testing (thyroid, etc) and observations but if reveals nothing I'll have to face the prospect of putting him down humainely. I can't ethically adopt out a dog who could hurt someone ESPECIALLY a pit mix. I don't have the resources to poor into a dog who is barely adoptable in this area because of breed and energy in the first place.

He's a VERY sweet dog, lovable, snuggly, people friendly, dog friendly, and has made SO much progress in his training....but if I can't solve this or if it requires long term specialized care, he can't be placed....