I am having a vet come up here, to put Jazz down. In the north, most end with a bullet, I think he has suffered enough. I am just tired of the chaos.
He has had to wear a muzzle for now 2 weeks, unless he is eating, as he is non stop eating his poop, and has decided Jim is as useless as he thinks I am.
He stopped eating his meals as he was with Jim 3 weeks ago, and started giving him the same attitude, and when we sent Domino back all hell broke loose and he had diarrhea for over a week, and only because he kept eating it, I finally had to muzzle him, and put him in the pen, as he would never ask for the door and just spontaneously poop.
Now that he is 8, and his teeth are crap, and anything soft makes him go, where we are, I cannot take care of him the way he needs, his breeder does not want him, and I could never hand him to someone to have him mess up their home. I know you can't save them all, but I tried so hard with this boy, but I am so tired. I cannot leave him out unsupervised so have been sleeping only a few hrs in the am when Jim gets up.
So with a bit of defeat, I have to throw my hands up. No food, training or attention is going to get to his head, and he cannot be trusted to be left alone..please don't make me feel any worse than I do. I just want to make sure that I tried, and to say I will have to withdraw from having a companion for a long while..looks like a summer with just me and my 303.

Just re-reading that makes me feel like crap. This dog has made my days feel so lonely, yet I keep second guessing myself until I am out with him..I am sorry guys, but I just can't do it anymore. This all could have been so avoided had his breeder been honest. Makes me worried to but from a breeder, I want a companion, but I strike out so bad with second hand, I am ending up second guessing myself even with a pup..
As of June 2nd Jazz will be asleep and I hope a real dog running in heaven. Than part of my mind I cannot change..My guilt for causing him to go there, I am going to take a long while to get over..

Becky,

We do the best we can. And too often we are harder on ourselves than we deserve.

Second guessing is the loop of woulda, shoulda, coulda... And it is an endless and pointless calculus. When I found myself in a circumstance of similar stress, a good friend reminded me that there is no future in the past.

We do the best we can. We can take some comfort in that we have a conscience and want things to work out, and then when they don't, we suffer the other side of conscience, self-recrimination. And we look for answers, and to blame. It is trite to note that things don't always work out but it is all too true.

Anyone who might criticize you has not experienced what you have and are experiencing. And they don't matter anyway.

It takes a good person to know when... And it takes a smart person to know when to be gentle with yourself. Get through this, and then look to the future.

I believe a bad person, an uncaring person, an irresponsible person wouldn't be feeling what you are. You do the best you can.

Well said Mike!

I'm so sorry, Becky. don't blame yourself. I followed the story of Jazz since the beginning you told us about. There was sometimes a bit of hope and then again came the disappointment. You have done what you could, Becky You don't will put Jazz down out of frivolity like some owners do. I know it is a very difficult decision and it hurts. But sometimes it is only reasonable decision, also for the dog.

I hope you'll recover from that stress soon!

 Quote: Becky Niedbalka

I am having a vet come up here, to put Jazz down. In the north, most end with a bullet, I think he has suffered enough. I am just tired of the chaos.
He has had to wear a muzzle for now 2 weeks, unless he is eating, as he is non stop eating his poop, and has decided Jim is as useless as he thinks I am.
He stopped eating his meals as he was with Jim 3 weeks ago, and started giving him the same attitude, and when we sent Domino back all hell broke loose and he had diarrhea for over a week, and only because he kept eating it, I finally had to muzzle him, and put him in the pen, as he would never ask for the door and just spontaneously poop.
Now that he is 8, and his teeth are crap, and anything soft makes him go, where we are, I cannot take care of him the way he needs, his breeder does not want him, and I could never hand him to someone to have him mess up their home. I know you can't save them all, but I tried so hard with this boy, but I am so tired. I cannot leave him out unsupervised so have been sleeping only a few hrs in the am when Jim gets up.
So with a bit of defeat, I have to throw my hands up. No food, training or attention is going to get to his head, and he cannot be trusted to be left alone..please don't make me feel any worse than I do. I just want to make sure that I tried, and to say I will have to withdraw from having a companion for a long while..looks like a summer with just me and my 303.

For what it's worth, I believe you are making the RIGHT decision, Becky -- Never easy, always Heartbreaking ... He has not been a happy dog, IMHO, so what use is a Miserable life to him OR to anyone who has CARED so much about Him ??? Please do NOT feel guilty !!!

We all know that you tried. When dogs come to us with unseen baggage, there is only so much we can do. There is nothing wrong with admitting it is too much at this point... you tried - it is more than anyone else in this dog's life has done....

I have no doubt that Jazz will meet you at the Bridge - as the dog he was meant to be, not the hot mess that humans have made him into.

I am still keeping my ears open for you - I know there is a dog out there waiting for you - we just have to find it

Don't beat yourself up. You tried. You cared.

Kel

 Quote: Kelly

We all know that you tried. When dogs come to us with unseen baggage, there is only so much we can do. There is nothing wrong with admitting it is too much at this point... you tried - it is more than anyone else in this dog's life has done....

I have no doubt that Jazz will meet you at the Bridge - as the dog he was meant to be, not the hot mess that humans have made him into.

I am still keeping my ears open for you - I know there is a dog out there waiting for you - we just have to find it

Don't beat yourself up. You tried. You cared.

Kel

Everything KELLY said, and Mike too, Becky.

Sorry you had to make such a decision, Becky... I guess the biggest trouble with having a big heart, is that sometimes it gets broken. You have a big heart and tried to make a great life for a dog that no one else wanted. I hope in your time "alone" this year, you can begin to look back with some humor at what you went through by being such a caring person and look forward to new challenges with another animal companion!

Thank you a thousand times, all of you. I can never thank all of you enough for your advice, opinions and stories.
I think what makes it hard is losing poor Dot, she may not have been mine for long but I have been around her for years.
I have utmost respect for those who work rescue. I could not do it again. And as I say that, I know I could. Everything deserves a chance. At least I know he has had all the love we tried to give.
Once again, thank you everyone for your kind words, and your right, in all the tough times we had with him, I learned a whole lot. I will have new eyes when I decide I am ready to bring another home.
You're all the best!