While I have absolutley no problem with going off on a family member, or suggesting that their dog come and live with me (that's how I got the latest pack member), I would also try to educate.

Say something like "hey, is this a big problem? I have a few suggestions that might help, and a web board with helpful members if you have any questions." I might suggest a book or a video... whatever I think might be helpful to change the way this person views the dog's behavior. I always have a Leerburg catalog in my car too

Most of my family does come to me with dog problems. They don't even know that I worked at a world famous kennel for years They just see my dogs and how healthy and well behaved they are, and ask how I did that.

I could not watch abuse and not stop it somehow. But in the moment, I agree, it's hard to think of some way to be helpful and tactful at the same time. My family members understand that I think of the dog first and am not shy or tactful in telling them that they are seriously FN up the dog.

Good luck Spencer. Problems with family really suck. Family gatherings just remind me WHY I moved away in the first place.

Thanks all.

This is interesting. Ever since I started REALLY learn about dogs I have found myself in situations where I wanted to "correct" peoples behavior as it concerns the way they treat their pet.

This past weekend I had a new challenge. My niece on my wife's side (she just moved to our area after growing up in another state so both my wife and I really don't know her very well yet) came over to our house with her 20 month old daughter. Of course the baby is cute as a button.

here was the dilemma...the baby wanted something and my niece said no and the baby gestured as if she was going to smack her mother. My niece slapped this child very hard on the leg and told her "don't hit, hitting is bad!!"

Of course the baby cried and her mother spent the next 10 minutes telling her not to cry and insisting she apologize for hitting mommy. Holy crap!!!

I was stunned. First of all it makes me extremely uncomfortable to see any child or animal get hit. Second of all (I am stating the obvious here) HOW DO YOU HIT A CHILD AS A PUNISHMENT FOR HITTING AND THEN INSIST ON AN APOLOGY FOR THE SAME ACT YOU JUST COMMITTED?

For the record...my wife and I have raised 3 kids who turned out pretty well. We are not perfect and we certainly made our share of mistakes but our kids are decent, compassionate and all around good kids. Ages 17. 20 and 24.

I know how frustrating children can be. i know there are days when our stress levels run high and justifiably so. But the message here is that hitting never solves anything and the message you send your children or your animals is that things can be resolved with aggression. That is never the case.

Just my two cents...

Alec,
I have seen parents do the same exact thing and it has always bothered me immensely. I am not at all adverse to corrections with dogs or children. But hitting is never a solution to anything.

My son is 9 and has never been spanked...and he is a respectful, mostly well behaved and compassionate child. He has his moments, as all kids do, and can sometimes drive me crazy, but smacking him would not make anything better.

As a disclaimer, I have never been a parent.
Seems to me though the child was only acting out and didn't actually hit her mother. Bad timing on the mothers part, if she prefers to use corporal punishment she should have waited till the child had completed what she was contemplating.

If your niece ever starts insisting the child apologize for making mommy hit her......call human services immediately.

Agreed.

If someone would hit a baby they are in so far over their head as a parent they should have a social worker helping them out. The whole picture you painted sounds like there is a potential for really serious child abuse.

Even good people are capable of really bad things.

Smacking a 20 month old child for maybe hitting is like smacking an 8 week old pup with a rolled up newspaper for nipping.
Neither one has the social skills, communication skills or the knowledge base to refrain from the behavior.

Now if an older child hit his mother, that might be time for a swat...I don't know.

Don't know the cognizant skills of an almost two year old child. Though I suspect it's somewhat more than a 8 week puppy has that's operating purely on instinct.

If the child had hit the mother we could talk about whether retribution in kind was justified, but as it reads the child never did anything of the kind and only raised a hand or fist toward the mother. For my part I'd think a firm stare and a head shake would have stop it right there.
If the mother prefers the use of corporal punishment, she should have waited until the child actually hit her first.

IMHO hitting (or screaming and yelling) is not a teaching tool and isn't appropriate with dogs OR kids. I have a compassionate, respectful and trustworthy teenager (should be an oxymoron, eh?) that has never been spanked and in fact, rarely have I raised my voice. She doesn't hit because she's never been hit, she doesn't scream and yell because she's never been yelled AT. You can say "do as I say, not as I do" all you want, but in the end I think it comes down to example. It doesn't always work that way I'm sure, but so far so good.

All kids test the boundaries, all kids try their parents' patience, have tantrums, etc. I learned that the less I reacted, the more objective I could be about her behaviour, the more control I ultimately had (back to that conversation about having buttons to push:-). For example, when my daughter was in the "tantrum" phase, I told her she could have all the tantrums she wanted, but they would be in her room because I wasn't going to watch. Kind of took the fun out of it for her so it was a mighty short phase.

Respect is two ways. I don't believe it can be demanded by being loud and violent, but has to be EARNED by being the sort of person who is worthy of respect.

It's sort of odd that I feel that way about interacting with dogs or my daughter, but wouldn't hesitate to give another adult my unedited opinion.