The title "how to let go of a dog you love" triggered some antagonism, where a title more like "how can I help my dog with his dog reactivity" wouldn't have. That's all.


So moving on ..... some nuts-and-bolts questions:


You mentioned stray dogs possibly coming into your yard.

Does this mean the yard is fenced but not reliably gated?


What other structured exercise can the dog get? You are about to move house; is it the new house with the fenced yard? Or the old one?


What kind of obedience training do you do, how often, etc.?


Since your dog got out of the house that time and scuffled with a strange dog, is your dog now always on leash when you leave your house?


What do you do when your dog starts to react to a strange dog?

What matters is what you do now.


You can't change anything that already happened. Your decision is about where you go from here.
You can learn how to manage it, if that's your wish, starting right now by going back to square one and learning the fundamentals.
We will help you any way we can.

 Quote: Ashley Aldrete

ummmmm have to say how shocked i am to read all of these, at the moment i feel very discourage and upset.

i guess to clarify a few things, When he was a puppy i thought the right thing to do was to socialize him and have him get used to being around people and dogs and other animals so that problems didnt develop. Is this wrong?

As soon as the issues started i immediately started keeping him away from all other dogs except our own and my brothers ( he lived with us)

Our issues now are when i am trying to do the right thing and get him the exercise that he needs. I live in a town where people don't leash there dogs (I realize its against the law but thats what happens here) when i walk down the street i am constantly scanning looking for dogs loose in the front yard.
I have a whole list of streets i DONT walk down because of loose dogs, i cant take him to the river because dogs are loose there as well.etc

I realize that i made the commitment to adopt him and keep him through out his life i just want what is best for him. What if i am walking down the street (on his leash) and a dog approaches us and duke attacks him? what if i stray dog comes up to our yard? (i have a 6ft wood fenced yard but still)

I have never dealt with a problem like this and its scary. i dont know what i did to make him aggressive. i feel a little attacked to be honest. I never had any intentions of sending him to a shelter or sending him off to someone who would be in the same situation as myself. I came here to get advise. i have been worrying my self sick over this and was greatful to have a place like this to come.

Ashley, please don't feel discouraged and upset. You should feel encouraged and hopeful because there are a lot of people here to help you, and your problem is not insurmountable. I know you may have been overwhelmed by all this. We are passionate about dogs here, but if we didn't want to help you, no one would have replied. Take a deep breath, concentrate on the fact that everyone here wants to help your dog and you through this, so you can lead a happy and healthy life together.

IMHO, you didn't screw your dog up by socializing or anything. One mistake I can see is not getting help right away when you saw the problem. Fresh troubles are easier to fix than something that has become habit. But it's no big deal. I'm willing to bet that you can turn this around pretty easily, and you will have a happier dog at the end of the process.


Let's get ready to move forward. Stop blaming yourself, feeling sorry, or worrying. None of that is going to help. This is going to be fun, and you are going to learn some cool stuff about your dog and how to interact with him.

What type of training have you done in the past, such as basic obedience? If so, what commands does he know?

Are you familiar with marker / clicker training?

What type of collar or harness does he wear when you walk him?

Is he a chow hound, crazy about food, or would he rather play with a tug or ball?

Do you have a friend with a dog that he doesn't know or get along with that would be willing to help you train?


Answers to these questions will help us decide what your best course of action is. For now, keep that chin up. We are genuinely interested in helping your dog. We just care a lot, and get a little emotional when someone poses the idea of rehoming an aggressive dog without first exhausting all options to correct the problem.

You are in the right place

And dogs change bad habits faster than their people do. So, change you first and the dog will respond.

 Quote: Ashley Aldrete

What if i am walking down the street (on his leash) and a dog approaches us and duke attacks him? what if i stray dog comes up to our yard? (i have a 6ft wood fenced yard but still)

I have never dealt with a problem like this and its scary.

It is scary but check your town animal control laws. In my town; there is a leash law, so if an unleashed dog approaches an on leash dog and a fight breaks out; the off leash dog is at fault. The same situation would apply to the yard scenario. Check the laws in your area; if these are your two biggest concerns; and the law is on your side; it will be easier for you to relax and not worry about liability as you work through this issue.

If you have already made the decision that you can not keep Duke; you still should do the work to make him more adoptable. Otherwise you are going to feel guilty discouraged and upset.

I wish I could tell you; it will be easy to find Duke a great home. There are always people looking for project dogs. Don't worry! But unfortunately that would be a HUGE lie.

You are obviously torn up over this and I feel bad about that but with some effort and focus on Duke's needs you can make decisions which will ease your angst and have a good outcome for the both of you.

-I have never taken him to any formal training. (frankly i cant afford it right now, maybe in a few months when i begin making a nurses salary that will change) He knows basic commands, sit, stay, lay, come.

-I have tried marker training, at least i think, where i used a phrase instead of a clicker, and i dont know if the phrase was wrong or what because he totally didnt seem to get it. I watched a youtube video about it.

-He wears a martingale collar when he walks, i like it because if i need to i can grab right in that little handle area if a dog approaches us to keep duke under control. He used to wear a harness and i still have that.

-I feed him and our other dog at the same time once in the morning once in the evening, he is a fast eater but i wouldnt say he is crazy over it. I am able to have him sit and wait for me to allow him to start eating, but once i say go he goes for it. (its strange but he eats half of his bowl and our other dog half of his bowel and then they switch and finish each others off, every time)

-My dad has his lab puppy, who is about 7-8 months old now?

- My current rental home has a fully fenced yard, with a chain link fence, there have been a few situations where stray dogs have come up to the fence and been sniffing around but never gotten in.

-The home that i am purchasing has a 6ft wood fence enclosing the yard.

- Yes, Duke is never out of the fenced yard or the house without his leash on. If we need the front door open for a few minutes to carry in groceries or whatnot duke goes in his kennel or in the backyard.

- if we are on a walk i usually carry a hand full of dog food with me and if i see a dog first i try to distract him with a few treats as we are getting past it. If he does notice it and the treats arent distracting him i grab on to the handle of his collar and just say "come on duke" "lets go" stuff like that and keep moving forward, even if he is standing his hair up and snarling.

- as far as other exercise besides our walks, he plays a lot of fetch, and chaises our other dog around in the yard, i swear they run laps( i have the tracks in the grass to prove it)

- Our city does have a mandatory leash law, obviously not well enforced.

I think i have addressed everything that was asked

I know this is going to sound rude, but if you're buying a house, why can't you afford training for your dog? Obviously everyone has priorities that are different from others, but saying you can't afford it and then saying you're buying a house just doesn't make sense to me. If it were me with these two choices, I don't know which I'd choose to do first, but that just stuck out to me.

Speaking from bitter experience of house buying, it takes every penny you have, and then some - there is rarely anything left to spend on anything for quite a while, so I am guessing that Ashley has invested all they have into a roof over their heads for a few years yet

Actually i am able to purchase a house for the same amount of money that i am paying on rent, but like mentioned above there are upfront costs to buying a home. I am doing what is best for my family (me and my dogs). and yes that means things will be tight for me for a few months but in the long run i will own my home.

So yes i CANT afford training right now, to me having a place to live is top on the priority list.

It's not so long ago I moved that I can't remember the upheaval involved, stressful didn't even begin to cover it!

I also remember that the move was stressful for the dogs too, I had five at the time, and had moved from a large house with a good sized garden into a shoe box with a postage stamp sized lawn, plus it was cat central - not great with 2 gun dogs and 3 Boerboels lol!

Are you going to be able to have a few days off to get the dogs settled in? It is never easy or straight forward moving, throw dogs into the mix and it can be a challenge, I actually sympathize with your situation with your dog, it does feel like it is going to overwhelm you st times, hopefully once the move is over and you get into a routine, you will be able to see the wood for the trees, and you will be able to get a handle on whats going on with him.

Good luck with the move