I just thought I'd update on how the Mullen pack is doing.

It's very hard without Teagan. Hard to think of her or see her picture without crying.

I do think that she is not in pain now, not troubled by pain that caused her to have daily accidents and go after Luc at the end, actions so out of character for her. I wish we could've turned up more definitive test results but with her being on a maximum dose of painkiller, I didn't know what else to do. Her behavioural issues weren't why I let her go, though I think it was initially the only way I knew how to express my fears of letting her go.

I miss her everyday. There is not only a gaping hole from missing her companionship, and the love she gave me, but also a gaping hole of time. I had no concept of how much time I spent with her - working in obedience, threat training, on her aggression issues, fun stuff (not that obedience isn't fun!), and at the end, cleaning up after her and bathing her, and just in general looking after her in the way dogs like her need to be looked after (and contained), until she was gone. I miss all of it, even cleaning up her accidents.

Luc and Neb have not mourned her, not obviously anyways, something I found initially upsetting though in many ways it is a good thing. I think they knew something was off, was wrong, and have accepted her going.

We have done one weekend away hiking and some other local hikes since she passed - funny to be out on the trails without her! Luc and Neb both enjoyed themselves, and on our cabin weekend, Luc was very brave about the fireplace.

One funny thing though - they have not mourned her, and I knew her being gone could change the pack dynamics, but I didn't recognize it when it was happening before my eyes.

Teagan was always the top dog, no questions, no challenges. It was just a natural thing. Since she's been gone, Luc has lately started growling at Neb if Neb intrudes on what Luc perceives to be his space (and especially the new bed we got for him). Neb hasn't been doing anything, and I was perplexed as to why Luc was growling.

Luc has also been t'ing off Neb while playing, which I haven't worried about, though once he started to mount Neb (which I stopped with a quick 'HEY!'). So Luc is trying out a higher position.

But my thought is - Teagan was naturally the top dog. Luc isn't, and him trying to be so is disrupting the pack dynamics and in my opinion, disrespectful to Toby and I. So we are going to be making some changes, stronger NILIF (which I admit to becoming slack on), and make sure Luc is respecting that Toby and I make the sorts of decisions Luc is wanting to make, and that, for instance, the new bed we got for him is OUR bed, not his bed. It will be important to get Toby on board with this - we have different approaches to the dogs, but Toby has been really great lately with my sick elderly cat and he's very bothered by the growling so I think he will be agreeable.

Anyways, that's our update. I hope everyone here is well, and that everyone's dogs are well too.

It is always hard to get back into life after we lose someone we love, isn't it? Doesn't seem to matter if they were human or animals, if they filled a large part of our lives, they leave big holes, and even bigger still if they required more care and attention toward the end...

It is interesting to hear the boys "jockeying" for position... we can read about it all day long but I'm sure to see it in action is very different! Keep us posted on how this goes. :-)

Take care and thanks for the update.

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It is always hard to get back into life after we lose someone we love, isn't it? Doesn't seem to matter if they were human or animals, if they filled a large part of our lives, they leave big holes, and even bigger still if they required more care and attention toward the end...

This couldn't be a truer statement and so well said Barbara.

Jennifer, I am so remiss in that I did not know about Teagan until just now. Please forgive my delayed message of how sorry I am.
Having known some really tough losses in my life, I know just how hard it can be.
The one thing that remains important is that you are taking the time you need to grieve. In my case as with so many, there are the good days and then the really hard days. Even after time has passed by, something reminds you that your heart is still suffering a profound loss.

While it is very hard, enduring and living through the loss, as time goes on, you find ways of coping and living without that special person or beloved companion as Teagan was to you.

I find the best way to make my heart feel better is to celebrate their life, simply by remembering what you loved best about her and all the wonderful things you did together. You have so much to be proud of, so I hope you know this.

Thanks for the update, it will be interesting to hear about how Luc and Neb do as time goes forward.

Nice to see you back Jennifer.
I have no doubt it'll take some time for the constant reminders of Teagan's missing presence to fade, but eventually life will resume a new normalcy and thoughts of your girl will start to come back with more fondness than pain. Luc and Neb are clearly doing their best to distract you with novel new behavior...

I'm sure you'll deal with whatever novel new ladder climbing is happening with the same patience and calm that have gotten you through so many issues in the past - you are, after all, a top notch pack leader.

Hugs to all the pups,
~Natalya

 Quote: Natalya Zahn

Nice to see you back Jennifer.
I have no doubt it'll take some time for the constant reminders of Teagan's missing presence to fade, but eventually life will resume a new normalcy and thoughts of your girl will start to come back with more fondness than pain. Luc and Neb are clearly doing their best to distract you with novel new behavior...

I'm sure you'll deal with whatever novel new ladder climbing is happening with the same patience and calm that have gotten you through so many issues in the past - you are, after all, a top notch pack leader.

Hugs to all the pups,
~Natalya

Me too. Also, Jennifer, some of this is spoken of in depth here: http://leerburg.com/forums/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/264123/page/0/fpart/1

The dogs will benefit from stepped-up pack leadership. It's an anxious situation for dogs to lose a strong pack member. They need consistent and unmistakable assurance that there is no empty pack-leader position to fill.

XOXOXO

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate it.

Connie, thanks for the link to the thread.

We have some nice pics of Teagan we need to hang up on the wall - I have the frames and everything, for whatever reason I've been holding off on doing it. We got back her paw print as well, which is really nice. I treasure it.

You guys are absolutely right about the pack leadership. Connie, I agree, and I'm not sure I've been giving consistent leadership. Our routine has changed a lot - I have more time now, but I've had to force myself to do stuff with Luc and Neb b/c it's been hard and I've been depressed over everything. So it's probably a very unsettled time for them, without me realizing HOW unsettled it's been.

We started the strong NILIF last night and it went well other than Toby forgetting to not give Luc affection without Luc doing something first.

I noticed too Neb is back to 'hearing' me. I didn't connect this before, I thought he was just going through a snotty teenager stage (he's 21 months now), but Neb wasn't listening to commands very well. That he always came back when called should've been a tip off to me. Luc has had some selective hearing issues as well, though I also haven't been working with them as much so a slacking in the obedience can't be a huge shock.

Anyways, both dogs were very responsive last night and this morning. Neb did very well with his 'front' command on our walk, though his pulling is still a bit distractable (not that we've had any snow to actually sled, but our biggest road block with him becoming a canicross dog or pulling a sled was his inconsistency of pulling out in front (on runs he tends to pull or be pulled), so on our walks we've been working on him being more unmannered, then I realized that being unmannered is just annoying and hurts my arm socket when he rockets off here and there, so we've been working on a 'front' command for him to pull).

Hi Jennifer!

It has been a while since you have posted. Nice to see you back! I'm sorry about Teagan. It takes time to heal the emptiness inside your heart. Hope to see you around here. I miss your intelligent posts.

Glad to have you back, Jennifer. I can't imagine how hard it's been for you. I have you and your family in my thoughts still.

Hey Jennifer, good to hear from you.

Thanks guys, I really appreciate it.