Thanks so much guys - what makes it difficult for me is Jamie is 25, an ex squaddie, and hauls a damn great rig from farm to farm milling animal feed 40 tons a time, if he was still a wee lad I would explain it to him in a simpler way - I think he still feels guilty and that maybe if we had just... etc etc, he lives with his girlfriend who has two sweet whippets that he takes out every night after work and spends hours with on his own, and see's our 4 every weekend when we go for long yomps, and he misses them during the week while he is away, Harry was his dog, and when he was pts he was a wreck for days, he knows it had to be done, he just misses him so much.

I truly believe Haz DOES visit him in his sleep, I think Jamie does get some comfort from it, but it makes him so sad because Haz was so young, and before the onset of the illness, an absolute sweetheart and the most darling pup...

When Jamie was a youngster I knew how to explain things to him in a way he could understand, now I feel like I am giving him platitudes, it is just so sad.

Thanks again for all your input, I think I will let him read them so he knows it is all normal, and this too will pass.

Tracey

Dang. I was hoping he was going to be 10. Maybe 13.

Haz is at peace- knowing what you know post necropsy, you know, and your son is old enough to know that he was NOT himself, and was likely uncomfortable to say the least. The decision you made was the best, for everyone involved. Let him read this. Let him know EVERYONE on here has lost an incredibly special dog, one that we'll never forget. Maybe because the pet was sick, maybe because they bit a friend, maybe they were hit by a car... anyway you look at it, we've all lost a dog we'll NEVER be able to forget, or stop missing.

They're all waiting for us, at the bridge. No pain, no illness, healthy, happy, and full of life- exactly the way we should try and remember them.

Thanks Kelly, you are so right - and I will definitely show him all the replies, all wise words, and words of comfort, thank you

Patricia McConnell wrote an excellent article that you and your son may find comforting.

http://www.theotherendoftheleash.com/love-guilt-putting-dogs-down

It is the best (and most comforting) article that I've ever read about making the difficult decision when it comes to euthanasia.

Ed wrote an excellent article about the day he had to put Natan to sleep. The decision making process, the guilt, Natan's pain - all of it. http://leerburg.com/bridge.htm

The article is followed by some great stories by regular folks about how they went through it all. It may help your son to read these as well, to know that he's not alone.

I had to put one of my horses to sleep 5 years ago. Red was amazing but he had a seizure disorder that we treated for several years (like 5 or 6). One day he went down on the ice and the seizure wouldn't stop. I had to call the vet - it was the hardest call I have ever made (Red had been with me for 18 years).

What made it worse was the guilt trip my boyfriend Paul laid on me. He was mad because he knew it had to be done, but he blamed me. It was easier for him than dealing with the pain of losing Red.

Anyone suffering a loss goes through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Sometimes we get a little stuck on one stage and need some help to get out. That's what friends and family are for.

Stick with him, let him know that he's not alone and that it really does suck that his dog had to go so young. His feelings are normal. The pain and anger will pass, and he will be able to remember the happy times he had with his dog.

There comes a time with dog ownership when we have to make decisions that just undeniably suck. We have to do it for the dog - but that doesn't make it any easier to do. It is the responsible thing to do - in time, when the pain eases, you see it as it really is: a gift to the dog. The gift of a dignified and painless passing surrounded by his loved ones.

Hugs to your son, and I hope that someday he understands that what was done had to be done. It was done FOR THE DOG.

--Kel

Thanks Kelly - you always know the right things to say, am printing the article off now and will give it to him tommorrow, thanks so much.

Thank you Mara

I am going to give this to Jamie with the piece Kelly linked me to, I know he is a grown man now, but when he comes to me with things like this, I sometimes need some words I cannot articulate, everything everyone has take the time to write is really appreciated, and I will show him all of them.

Thank you.

Sometimes it's not 100% about the dog, the grief. Some folks benefit from short counseling, the loss of the dog can open up other feelings, perhaps a first coming to grips of the idea of death in general, a host of thoughts about losses and how life isn't fair, etc.

None of my kids have yet to have a direct member of the family die yet, my parents are ancient but still kicking, so there may be something in what you say... Jamie has actually had a woman commit suicide in front of him when he was about 10/11, threw herself off a multi-storey car park and land next to him, and a guy dropped dead at a gig from a heart attack several years later, and he was shocked, but being young, didn't really mention it much after; I have a fairly pragmatic attitude to death since the cancer, and I suppose a bit of the British stiff upper lip thing, I think the thing with Harry has a lot to do with we (I) made the decision to have him put to sleep, and we always assume and hope, a dog will go peacefully in old age, preferably in their own bed, (if only), and what neither of us were expecting was how Haz seemed to fight the lethal injection, despite us asking for a heavy anaesthetic so that he didn't fight it, he howled and gasped for several minutes, and when he eventually went quiet and died, his eyes were open and I tried to shut them, I didn't know that dogs eyes don't close after death...

The vet told him it was just his body shutting down and his organs failing, but my belief is Jamie felt/feels we didn't give Haz the peaceful death he deserved, and while we talked about it as a family together that night, and he talked to a lot of his mates about it at work, he is quite a deep thinker and questions everything.

I know in time he will have some peace in his mind, he has read the links that people very kindly took the time to post here, and I know he found it hard to read some of the poems especially, but each time he weeps, I feel it does release some of the tight band around his heart, he said to me today, he wonders why he isn't moved by the death of friends over the years, but breaks his heart over animals that suffer, I quoted my sister to him, who simply says, the relationship with animals is more simple, more honest and more genuine than most humans have, I think she is right.

I've lost two grandparents that I was close too, but I think the loss of Missy was harder on me in a way than those were.

It just plain hurts and the hole is huge. I think it's harder in a way because many people don't understand the relationship you can have with an animal. They're just there. They keep giving, asking little in return. They're a partnr a buddy, a confidant that you can fully trust. My dad was talking to a coworker of his soon after we lost Missy and the guy said something about it being hard to loose a pet. My dad responded that it was more than just a pet, it felt loosing a family member, almost like loosing a child.

I think something to focus on was that LIFE had become extremely hard for Harry. He couldn't be himself, he was living with demons in his head that couldn't be cured. Death wasn't easy, but for Harry it it was the only relief from a life that becoming filled with more and more torment by the day. Jamie took that torment on himself so his friend could have peace.