The vet said that other than the upset tummy, Drift was not in any pain. The internal bleeding prior to the surgery was minimal- she was surprised that I saw the slight distension of the abdomen.

Nevertheless, I have placed the blame squarely on my shoulders- I should have caught it. I should have known. I feel as if I failed her...

She had just been to the vet in November for a checkup and blood tests .... nothing abnormal came up. She was PLAYING at 330 in the morning when I took her out.....

It is infuriating that even though you feed a dog a raw diet, don't over vaccinate, and only give them safe toys, you STILL can lose them to Cancer. There is no way to know there is something like this growing in them and waiting to take the away from you. Even trying to palpate the abdomen, you won't find it in a deep chested dog until it is essentially too late.

Drift's ultrasound showed it on the spleen, but when the vet went in, she saw that it had already set up shop on the liver as well. The vet did all she could - there is no fault there. Drift fought for as long as she could. This type of surgery is very hard as the proximity to the heart causes arrhythmia and the spleen bleeds excessively. Paul and I wanted to give Drift the chance rather than just letting her go. She fought -her heart stopped twice and she came back- the third time was just too much for even her to overcome.

We had just celebrated her 10th birthday 5 days before....

I've been thinking what to say to you since 2.00 this morning when I read this, because I don't want to patronise you, or belittle the feeling your having over what happened to Drift, because not only do I understand them, but I have them daily, over Harry, Kaiser and Sugar.

The difference is, I DID mess up, I did things I shouldn't, didn't do things I could have, and second guessed myself over and over about their deaths, I wept like a child over their bodies, and I told them I was sorry that I failed them, I loved them all beyond reason, I am racked with guilt over what I could have done to prevent their deaths. I was cocky, and at times, I was out of my depth.

Everything that I've learned about you and Paul, the absolute love and devotion, the time and care, and the seriousness that you took and take for all your animals is beyond reproach, I have read posts on here for years now, where people have got it SO wrong with the dogs they have brought into their lives, and there has been no judgement from you, or Bob, or Connie and all the other people that I look up to and respect, just sound advice, encouragement, and when needed tough love.

You, Kelly are one of my heroes, you have put your dogs before yourself, time and time again, please, please try to be easier on yourself, like I say, I get it, I truly do, but in your case, you are completely blameless, and without fault.