Ever since I corrected my puppy for growling at me, she acts fearful. What should I do now?

Dear Ed,

I am a first time dog owner who recently purchased a toy poodle puppy at 8 weeks old. She is now 12 weeks. I got a toy breed because I live in an apartment and because this is my first dog. I chose a breed in which I thought would be easy to train and be a good house pet. Even from 8 weeks, I started doing basic training at home, and she very quickly learned to sit, down, stay, and come (although she really only comes consistently when she knows I have food). She seemed like a normal puppy--very active, playful, and mouthy--although I have noticed that she nips and bites and jumps a lot when she gets excited. Unlike my friend's toy poodle, who immediately stops biting or chewing when told a firm no, my puppy seems to think I am playing when I tell her no and hold her mouth together (advise from some books that I have read). I have also tried to immediately cease all playing and ignore her when she gets overexcited and starts to nip, but she doesn't seem to get that either. She will go on to try to do something else but immediately when you resume play time she will start to bite again.

Since she is so tiny, (only 2.64 pounds!), and so young, I did not correct her firmly, until tonight....

I love very much, and she is a very lovable puppy. But out of the blue tonight, when I was playing with her, i threw a blanket (the one that came with her from the breeder) over her head, so she can go fetch, and she started to growl at me. We play fetch all the time, it's a game that she loves. I told her a firm no, and then she started barking at me! I was really caught off-guard ...I have read your web site a lot, so I know about the instincts to challenge for the leader position, but when she growled at me, I was totally confused--unsure of whether she was playing, I again told her a firm no and then turned to ignore her (again, many trainers say to just ignore bad behavior and award good ones). My dog didn't seem to care, and just went on to play with her toys. About 3 minutes later, she tried to chew some electric wires under my desk, and I told her a firm no, and she backed off. Then, she tried to chew my magazine resting on a low books shelf. I told her no again, and then SHE GROWLED AT ME AGAIN. This time, since we were NOT playing, I knew that she was challenging me. I immediately got up, scolded her, she tried to run away but I grabbed the scruff of her neck and shook her until she yelped, then I let her go immediately. She was shocked, since I had never really physically punished her before, and then she went on to chew her toy quietly on her snuggle puppy toy. Since she calmed down, I then went over to pet her and praise her for being a good girl.

After that, I felt her behavior towards me was not the same. She seemed uncertain, a bit fearful. When I put her in her crate to take a shower, she yelped and barked and whined LOUD and consistently, which she hadn't done since her first week. She stopped making noise once I came back into the room, and then I waited a bit, asked her to sit, and then let her out. Since her first week. she makes NO NOISE in her crate and generally seems okay to be there until we let her out. The weirdest thing is that, just 15 minutes before the whole growling incident we were doing training together--I would have her stay, walk away to the other end of the room, and then tell her to come--when she did, I gave her a treat and praised her. She listens always when she sees that I have a treat. When she sees that I don't, it often takes a few tries for her to sit or down for me. She is so young though--I thought she was doing well enough for her age.

Like I said, this is my first dog and I have no idea what I did was right or wrong. I am so afraid that I turned a perfectly good puppy into a fearful one by perhaps over-correcting her--and that this will do irreversible damage to her, or terrible damage to our bond. I have read so much conflicting materials about how to raise a puppy ....which explains my inconsistency in my behavior towards her. But is it normal for such a young puppy to growl and bark at the owner when they tell them to back off from something?? But what should I have done? Was she challenging me or was she just being a puppy? What should I do going forward??

For context, I make her sit or down every time before she eats or gets let out of the cage, or before I pet her when she wants to be petted. She sleeps in her crate and not our bed, although she is allowed into the bedroom when we are there. Other times, we shut the bedroom door so she has no access. It is not always possible for us to eat before she does, as my husband gets home quite late sometimes and we usually have very late dinners. So, I usually feed her before us. We crated the first few weeks while we ate, but now we give her a chewy treat so she chews besides us while we eat.

When she growled at me, I all of a sudden felt like she was a different dog, like she has another personality or something.

I understand that you are busy, and answering a question about a toy poodle puppy might not be your priority. But, like you said, just because she is small doesn't mean that I want her to get away with inappropriate behavior ....I would really appreciate your help.